Pregnant Hotties: Sad and Dismayed Edition by phattyjboy

Jessica Alba pregnancy

My poor little Jessi Bear. You look so upset. I know all those people taking your picture are annoying. Lord knows I can’t walk out of the house without lights flashing all around me, too. But that’s because I live across the street from a fire station. But I understand your pain. I mean, I know they have to go “fight fires” and “save lives”, but do they have to be so loud when they do it? Ya know?

We haven’t talked in quite a while, so if Cash isn’t treating you right, you give daddy a call. I’m not going to promise you that pictures won’t be taken, but I’ll at least wait until the baby comes. What? Daddy’s gotta make some money, too. People already offered my $100K for them. Wait….wait. Jessica! Come on. I was only kidding…..Jess?

Damn it. Pregnant bitches are so uptight.

Galleria of Pregnancy:

Jessica Alba pregnancy ass Jessica Alba pregnancy belly Jessica Alba pregnancy chug

I Make a Mean Ham ‘n’ Cheese, Jessie Poo by idontknowmuch

Jessica Alba pregnancy ham cravings

Jessica Alba has been craving ham and cheese sandwiches and that kinda turns me on. Excerpt from her MySpace blog:

“Every day I have eaten ham and cheese sandwiches, I can’t get enough of them. Wish they had these back in the states, the bread is amazing. My tummy is getting bigger by the second and the little one must like the food too because it is moving and kicking like crazy. ITS THE BEST.”

My lovely Alba-cakes is over in Paris promoting her shitty movie “The Eye”. And while I’m sure that French people know how to make a mean ham ‘n’ cheese sandwich, I’ll fly their special ham and cheese in and buy a damn baguette and I’m sure I could come pretty close. Thats why I asked Jessica to be her MySpace friend. I know I’m better than that douchebag, Cash Warren. Who the hell is named Cash and isn’t just a complete prick.

“Come here, Jessie. Here’s another hot hammie sammie. No, I won’t bite. At least not too hard. Please.”

God, I’m creepy.

(P.S. Don’t bitch about another pregnant picture on this site. She may not even be pregnant. That might be a whole hog in there with melted Gruyere. Thats right. Gruyere, bitches).

Pregnant Hotties: Repeat Edition by idontknowmuch

Angelina Jolie pregnant with twins?

The Sun is rambling on about some very uninteresting story of how Brad and Angelina are moving to France to have her twins and honor her dead mother and they hate America….blah blah blah. I wanted to post this picture because she’s still hot even after having four kids.

UPDATE: I was informed that she adopted three of them and only has one kid and she hates her or thinks she’s spoiled or something. My bad.

UPDATE UPDATE: She’s not having twins, supposedly. Just a baby girl.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Did we mention how hot she still is? And I notice she’s bringing Brad’s wax figure out onto the red carpet. He must be with all the kids.

Pregnant Hotties: Confused Edition by idontknowmuch

Tatu is pregnant

I remember that I was a little confused when Tatu came out because I think they were like 12 and saying they were lesbians. What teenage girl doesn’t think they are a lesbian at some point during those awkward years? We’ve all heard about the “pillow fights at pajama partys” but I don’t think girls are punching pillows, if you know what I mean.

There are rumors that the lesbian thing is completely made up to try and sell more records to all us perverted guys. It must not have worked because I never bought that shit and haven’t heard from them in years. I guess its just that I know the pregnant girl is the hotter of the two, but why would they choose her to inseminate? The other girls isn’t bad, but she’s definitely the one who should be pregnant in my eyes. However, that would completely screw up the lesbian rumor because then the more butch of the two would pregnant and “guys” can’t get pregnant.

What about Chicks With Dicks? Can they get pregnant? I don’t even want to think about that actually. What the hell was I talking about anyway?

Gallery: Tatu is pregnant Tatu is still pregnant Yes Tatu is pregnant

Video of photoshoot HERE.

Topic of the Week: February 25th, 2008 – Does pregnancy really ruin a bitch? by idontknowmuch

Jessica Alba Pre-Oscars weird party

I know what you’re going to say, ladies: You are not all bitches and pregnancy is a beautiful thing and what would your mothers think? Well she doesn’t read this blog, thank god.

Jim: Interesting topic here. Now, before I get into this, you should have some background on me. I like curves. Skinny women with no breasts or ass do absolutely nothing for me. Rarely am I attracted to a woman with a B cup or smaller. So I am never going to get mad when a woman’s tits get huge and her ass gets more full. However, I don’t crave fat women, either. I dont have a pregnancy fetish. So if a woman isn’t really showing, up to 4 or 5 months, theres a good chance the pregnancy itself makes a woman hotter. But after that, I think I’d rather log on to assparade and visit my friend Peaches. Thats just how it goes.

Chris: Now I agree with you, my friend. I definitely like curves on a woman, too. Woman are supposed to have curves and especially an ass. I’m a complete ass man. I don’t really discriminate on the boobage, but I’m not going to say I don’t like a good pair. I will tell you this though. There are some pregnant woman that are really hot even up until the end. Maybe its because I already have a child of my own, but I’m not freaked out by the huge bump. But there is also a phenomenon that must be addressed here. Some woman are pregnant and get freaking huge and then shrink down to their normal size in about a month, some it seems like in a few days. Others don’t ever return to how they looked before. But there boobage remains much more robust for months to come. Look at Christina Aguilera. Salma Hayek. Camilla Alves. Brooke Burke.

Jim: And this is the phenomena I am hoping for Jessica Alba. If you remember, about 5 or 6 years ago, when she was in ‘Dark Angel’, Jess was just…….sublime. She wasn’t too skinny, but yet was nowhere near fat–or even thick. Then she started losing weight. A few months ago, she couldnt have been more than 100 pounds, and for a girl who was at her hottest when she had a decent rack and RIDICULOUS ASS, the skinny look isnt cool. So maybe now, her body will keep that weight on. If female celebrities getting pregnant–and the resulting love they get for their fuller figures–finally wakes people up to the fact that super-skinny IS NOT HOT, then I’m all for it. Thats why I’m starting to think all female celebrities who are getting too skinny in th future should just get knocked up. Some may say its not a good enough reason to get pregnant; I say, if Nicole Ritchie can get pregnant just to avoid jail time, then Hayden Panettiere can get knocked up so that we can look at her with a C cup. Its only fair.

Phatty: This might get confusing. I don’t think that Jamie Lynn Spears gets more attractive because she’s pregnant. She wasn’t too skinny in the first place, but she is only 16 and a Spears. So we can definitely say that pregnancy will ruin a Spears bitch, thats for damn sure. Not that Jaime Lynn was all that attractive, but next to her sister and her mom, I’d be choosing her. And I’m all for Hayden growing some boobies, but you know the pregnancy would go straight to that ass and thighs. She already has some issues in that department and she’s always working out, but hey I’m all for people who are trying to be active and healthy. I just don’t know how much of an improvement it would be…..

Jim: I never see her ass working out. I heard about her wrestling dolphins. Or was she hunting the fishermen that were hunting dolphin? I’m not sure. All I do know is that Hayden needs to get knocked up. We’ll get about 3-4 months of solid rack growth, then the bump will come, and then after that her bottom half will snap back into shape while her top half will be more respectable. She’s 18 and has no real job, and she has all that “heroes” money to get a personal trainer; she should have no problem losing the baby weight. But to be more on point, I think we have determined that pregnancy may not ruin a bitch……it depends on the bitch. Bitch.

Phatty: I guess you can actually say that we both don’t mind pregnant girls through their first couple months as long as it makes them have bigger boobies, bigger butts (but only if they need it), and that they get back on the treadmill after popping that kid out so that we can view them as hot again. And we’re both fat, balding slobs who should get on a treadmill ourselves so that at least a couple drunk bitches might say “Eh, he’ll do.”

Jim: Hey…..this isn’t about us and our incessant need to eat a pint of Ben n Jerry’s a night and follow that up with 2 artery clogging steaks, followed by sitting motionless on the couch for the following 3 hours, eventually leading to sleep. This is about famous women who are known for their beauty and their bodies, and their duty to stay hot until the next young starlet comes along and takes her spot. Everyone has their place…..bloggers are supposed to sit in their parent’s basements and make judgements of the beautiful people. The beautiful people are supposed to be beautiful.

Phatty: Spoken like a true poet.

Editor’s Note: Hayden Panettiere does work out. She wears workout clothes all the time. Although she doesn’t ever appear to be sweating….

Pregnant Hotties: Old Edition (I meant to post this weeks ago) by idontknowmuch

But I’m a lazy bastard. This is Camilla Alves and you might describe her as attractive. Not a bad choice to have an illegitimate child with, Matthew. Not at all.

Camilla Alves

Pregnant Hotties by idontknowmuch

Since everyone is pregnant in Hollywood lately, we’ll be instituting a wonderful new feature on called “Pregnant Hotties.” If you don’t like it, we could care less. We like it and we’re not ashamed.

Guess the bootay of this pregnant Hollywood starlet. Me likey.

Jessica Alba’s pregnant ass