IDontKnowMuch.com


Who Doesn’t Have a Sex Tape with LiLo? by phattyjboy

Lindsay Lohan and Calum Best

Just days after the Kristin Davis sex tape broke on the scene, the Lindsay Lohan/Calum Best sex tape that there were rumors about comes up again. God, can’t this bitch let someone else have the spotlight for a change? And by spotlight, I mean that really annoying white light on the top of a handheld video camera.

Supposedly a “friend of a friend” of Lindsay’s linked this screenshot of a blow-J with her ex-boyfriend, Calum Best (sort of NSFW):

Lindsay Lohan blowjob

Its very grainy because it was taken with a cell phone. I guess it sorta kinda maybe looks like Lindsay. But honestly, who cares? This girl does not give a shit that you know who she blows and who she doesn’t. One word that I would never use to describe Lindsay: discreet.

Lindsay Lohan initials SR ring

We also learned that the whore is wearing a ring with the initials “SR” on them, just like the one that Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are wearing right now. The “SR” supposedly stands for her lesbian lover Samantha Ronson, but I think it symbolizes her love of sticky rice. You decide. And surprise surprise – two attention-craving whores who can’t let either one have the spotlight for a day. Honestly, girls, you should both just go into porn. You know a movie featuring the two of them with (insert any whore friend here) would be “box”-office gold (get it?). I don’t care how many people have seen just as much of you as your gynecologists. GOLD.

UPDATE: Click HERE and scroll down for a NSFW video clip of the alleged blow-J. I’m not so sure that is Lindsay and what the hell is being said in the background?



Which One Do You Like Better? by phattyjboy

Ali and Lindsay Lohan

Just pretend its 2011 and Ali is already 18. These sisters give us guys two very different options in women. We know that Lindsay is the fuller-figured whore with big boobs and a penchant for screwing just about anyone. We also know that Ali wants to be just as famous as her sister (“Oh my god, you have no idea. Seriously.”), but she gives off a model-type look with a skinnier figure and even an “older” look about her.

And no I’m not saying that she looks older to make myself feel better about posing this question. I know I’m creepy and I don’t care what you think of me. ::sniffle:: ::sniffle::

You guys are so mean! Just tell me what you think.



He Was Totally Hitting This During Filming by phattyjboy



Not that everyone didn’t know this. Even the guy’s who hold the microphones on those long poles get a piece of Lindsay during taping, so its no wonder that pretty boy Jared Leto could hit this. Even after he gained 57 pounds to play the role of John Lennon’s killer. The movie, Chapter 27, seems like it would actually be good….until you watch the trailer. Not that I haven’t liked Jared in everything (except Panic Room), but itseems a little premature to start saying “Oscar run.” Especially when you have to look good by comparison when your co-star is Lindsay Lohan playing….well, Lindsay Lohan. She always acts like she’s completely lost when guys come onto her in movies, but you know as soon as the cameras are off they have to throw cold water on her and fan her off so that everyone on the set doesn’t get blown.

If it was me, I’d just let it happen. I’d probably pay her a whole lot more money, too, and if the movie bombed, I really wouldn’t care. People only attach her to movies to 1.) get blown during the read through 2.) to cause a PR stir 3.) they’re completely retarded.

By the way, where IS the 30 Seconds to Mar’s cover album of the Beatles for this movie? Did they not even do one cover with Jared in the movie? Dumb.



I See Nothing Wrong With This Move by idontknowmuch

Lindsay_body

People Magazine is reporting that Billy Ray Cyrus did not delete Lindsay Lohan’s phone number from his daughter Miley’s phone, despite rumors to the contrary.

“We love Lindsay,” Billy Ray said.

Honestly, I understand that Billy Ray is being diplomatic, but I don’t think anyone would blame him for doing this. Lets face it: Miley’s slut potential is off the charts. She has already been photographed in her bikini/underwear, and those photos were posted on the internet. She’s rich, and she’s only 15. She’s on the Britney/Lindsay career path, and now LiLo herself is offering up personal skank tutoring lessons. Of course you’re deleting the number. I would of taken the phone and burned it. Then, I would of placed the ashes in a tin box and buried it 10 feet below ground in an unmarked grave. Thats the only way to be sure the evil is purged, you know.

(Also, for those of you that are disappointed I didn’t post a Miley picture instead of a Lindsay picture as the banner……shame on you).



Good timing, Hugh by idontknowmuch

The NY Post is reporting that Hugh Hefner and Playboy are offering Lindsay Lohan an opportunity to recreate some scene from some movie that Marilyn Monroe appeared naked in:

Playboy has offered the young star the chance to re-create Marilyn’s famed nude swim from the unfinished film “Something’s Got To Give.”

Lindsay Lohan 2

This would have been really awesome news if, you know, we hadn’t just seen her tits like a week ago. Not that I won’t look, but the cache is gone. Playboy used to be about getting chicks you’d never see naked to take their clothes off. Now Hef is just swooping in and grabbing up broads after piece of shit mags like NY Magazine have done the heavy lifting.

You know how in high school,  you would put in 6 months of work with a girl, finally get laid, and then later break up with the girl? Hugh is the guy who dates her immediately after and fucks her after talking to her for 15 minutes at a house party. Hey, to each his own, but where was this offer a year ago?



One Liners by idontknowmuch

Amanda Overmeyer

– Top 10 9 girls and one skunk’s performances from American Idol last night (JustJared)

– Harlow Madden slightly resembles a girl version of Vern Troyer (People)

– Awww a promise ring for Ashlee! (DListed)

– Winehouse is back on the sauce crack ecstasy every drug known to man-kind (The Sun)

– Jessica, you already did this interview for GQ a couple years ago and no one feels sorry that you got made fun of because you were hot in grade school (Page Six)

– You already did the best photoshoot you could ever do, LiLo (ASL)

– God, I used to love her, especially in that boring movie with Sigourney Weaver (Hollywood Tuna)



Pharaoh’s Tomb? by idontknowmuch
February 28, 2008, 11:46 am
Filed under: Kate Beckinsale, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton

Kate Beckinsale

The always lovely Kate Beckinsale gave an interview to Allure magazine, and let’s just say she wasn’t being very lovely. When asked about her love life and previous relationships, she responded:

“I’ve only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh’s Tomb!”

Then when asked what her greatest physical asset was, this is what she had to say:

“My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?” she giggled before silently mouthing the words ‘My twat’ at the interviewer.

Let me just say this. I want to be in the fucking room next time Kate Beckinsale leans over to a reporter and mouths the word “twat.” I have a hard time believing that ever happened, but looking back on her responses during this interview, I’d have to say she might be a closet freak. Who tells a national publication like Allure magazine that their best physical feature is their vagina? Lindsay and Paris wouldn’t even say that, even though we both know everyone in Hollywood has had a go with them and the only reason guys talk to them is because of their pharaoh’s tombs. However, its not like you have to be Indiana Jones to gain access to those tombs. You could probably tell a knock knock joke and by the time you were finished, they’d be in a doggy-style stance and asking you what’s taking so long.



The Next Generation by idontknowmuch

Ali Lohan

The picture above was not posted so we can see Lindsay’s much younger sister in a bikini (although Lindsay is looking good here). It was posted because Teen Vogue printed an interview with Ali Lohan where she says things like this:

“I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it’s so cool when people look up to you. I’ve already been asked for my autograph and it’s just a really good feeling to have.”

And she wants to be famous: “really bad, so bad. So bad you don’t even know.”

With a reality show already in the works with her whore of a mother, Dina Lohan, I’m going to say, without a shred of doubt, that she will follow in her sister’s footsteps. Look at the way she already talks and how much attention she is craving. She’s already in the shadows of the naked photoshoot and millions of dollars her sister has made off her tits acting. She’s going to have to fuck prove to everyone that she can be just as whorey good as her sister, or at least as talented hot.

Let’s follow a pattern here: Britney and Jaime Lynn. Now Lindsay and Ali. I wanna know if Hayden has any younger sisters that want to “prove themselves”. And look at what Miley Cyrus has done with her dad’s success (even though I don’t know how). All this goes back to the parents. The Spears and the Lohans are horrible, horrible parents and its very clear to see that with their children’s actions. Now I know money and fame and success and pressure play into all this, but if Miley stays the course and stops posting MySpace pictures and is a nice girl, then this will prove my point further. And if Hayden stays a nice girl, too.

But just look at our previous post about the Southwest Airlines dumb sluts. All I know is that when I was 13 or 14, girls weren’t dressing like B-squad strippers or making videos of themselves dancing in their underwear or naked. And if they were, then I blame the internet for taking so god damn long to develop. These kids todays have it so easy seeing boobs. They didn’t have to look through squiggly lines on the TV in the basement at night and wait for a nipple to pop up. They can go on YouTube or Flickr right now and find naughty pictures of the hot girls in school and their next door neighbors slightly older daughter that just “matured” a bit more.

In my day, if you wanted to be a creep, you had to just look over the fence at her or try to sneak into the girls bathroom and pretend you thought it was the guys. Thats the right to do it, dammit.



Gotcha, bitch! by idontknowmuch

Radar is reporting that Lindsay Lohan didn’t know that the nude pictures she took for New York Magazine would end up in print. From Radar:

The plan to publish nudes—a monumental move in her career—was never made clear, Lohan’s rep says. Photographer Bert Stern, the now 78-year-old most famous for getting Marilyn Monroe to strip on film six weeks before her overdose on barbiturates (then going ahead and publishing contact sheets Monroe had exed out with red marker), suggested a much less revealing homage for the mag. A rumor from the very closed set suggests Stern dangled the possibility that the nudes would be displayed only in a museum or as part of his book and that the tamer shots would go to New York.

Lindsay_Lohan

Yes, I’m sure thats it. An 80-year old man with a camera told her that she should get naked for a photoshoot, but assured her that he and New York Magazine wouldn’t use the shots of her rack in the magazine. Lindsay was totally unaware. Of course.

All right then. My mission is clear. One, find Bert Stern. Two, convince him to track down Scarlett Johannson, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Diora Baird, and Rosario Dawson, and invite them to a ‘tasteful photo shoot’.  Then, when the girls arrive, tell them the shoot is a ‘Tribute to Strap-On Dildos’ for, I don’t know, People magazine. Or In Style. The magazine is irrelevant. Of course, Grandpa Bert will assure the girls that the only pics used in the spread will be those of them walking around in lingerie or something, not the shots of them partaking in a 5 dreamgirl orgy.

After that we can dispatch Bert and his magical skills of persuasion to the middle east. Maybe he can get that whole thing sorted out.



Topic of the Week: February 18th, 2008 (even though its the 19th) – Hollywood Sluts by idontknowmuch

Lohan Topless Covered by Nipple

Phatty: So I woke up this yesterday morning and had the delight of viewing New York Magazine’s pictorial spread of Lindsay Lohan. The photoshoot is an homage to “The Last Sitting”, the series of photos of Marilyn Monroe at she took at the Bel-Air Hotel just six weeks before she died. And all I have to say is bravo, Lindsay. Not only did you completely screw up your acting career, but now you get to be an “artsy” whore so you can try and reclaim some of your star power. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge fan of the body of your work (insert cheesy cackle here). I didn’t like it when you got really, really skinny on that coke binge a while back, but you packed some meat on during rehab and daddy like-y. But you and your Hollywood slut bags have got to start having a little more class. You’re reported to have fucked everyone in Hollywood. Twice. And Britney? Let’s not even get started on her. She’s the trailer trash version of the high school slut. She got made up to look like America’s Sweetheart and then went right back to downing moonshine and screwing dirt bags in the barn. And Ms. Hilton – I don’t think there’s a square inch of your body that we haven’t seen, and the ones we haven’t are probably riddled with disease. To top it all off, all three of you have opened up yourselves to everyone in the country like we all have MD’s in gynecology. While some of us might “claim that we do, we, in fact, do not.

Jim: I have many problems with your paragraph here. One, you call Lindsay a whore for getting naked for publicity. Its things like that….and people like you….who will discourage the Scarlett Johannson’s and Jessica Alba’s of the world from posing naked once their career dries up like a booger on the sofa of life. Also, Britney isn’t a ‘Hollywood’ slut. Slut? Yes. Does she live around Hollywood? I think so. But she’s not an actress. Unless you call ‘Crossroads’ cinema. And I don’t. And at this point, I don’t even consider Paris Hilton human. She’s like plankton, or lice. And the media is her host, from which she sucks life.

Phatty: Let me have another go at the title then. “Sluts that live in or around Hollywood and the Los Angeles area”. Is that better? And another thing is that these bitches love when you call them whores anyways. Maybe ScarJo or Alba wouldn’t admit to it, but they both like the dirty talk. One thing we do agree on is Ms. Hilton. She is a plague. A plague that for some reason we cannot rid the world of or look away from. Would you really meet this bitch at a club and take her home, knowing full well that she’s been plowed more times than the cornfield in back of my house? That cornfield has been here for at least 150 years, so thats a lot of plowing. One thing that we can definitely agree on is that out of the three ladies in question, we both would love to play connect the dots with Lindsay’s freckles and never, ever see the other two in person ever. Never ever. Ever. Agreed?

Jim: Let me tell you something right now….I wouldn’t fuck Paris Hilton with your dick. Seriously. A lot of internet nerds say shit about famous women….”Oh, she isnt that hot”…..”Her legs are nasty”…..blah blah blah. But in secret they would cum if Jessica Biel walked by them on the street. But Paris? No, son. No. That chick has more diseases than the monkey in ‘Outbreak’. (Thanks, Kevin Smith).

Phatty: Let’s just hope that this procession of Hollywood whoredom continues and we can start pushing some of these older ho’s to the side. I don’t have a problem with seeing artsy pictures of Lohan’s breasts (although let’s keep your legs closed, hunnie), but who is the next generation? We already know Miley Cyrus is heading down that path. And we always have Lindsay’s sister. Britney’s sister completely bypassed even getting to this stage since she’s pregnant at 16 and we’ll hopefully never hear about that family again unless it is in the Kentwood Gazette. I wonder if they can live up to all the scandalousness of their older counterparts.

Jim: I’ve got to think that the next worthwhile Hollywood skanks are out there. Hayden Panettiere may be one. We haven’t seen much skankness out of her yet, but she’s 18 and dating a 30-year old. Plus, she was photographed hanging out with Paris and Nicole Ritchie when she was like 15. So she may be an undercover skank. Also, remember……about 3-5 years ago, no one would of thought Britney would be a skank. Now, she is the possible queen of the skanks. Maybe today’s cutesy, girl-next-door is 2013’s skank. Lindsay’s little sister? Dakota Fanning? Why not?

Phatty: I guess we can only wait and see. Meanwhile, let’s see some more hotties try and resurrect their careers with more nakedness and shameless whoring around. And do it before you turn out like Britney. Do you hear me, Miley?