Jesus. Christ. Almighty. by idontknowmuch

Last night’s Britney drama is just finally beginning to sink in. We all knew this was going to happen or, even worse, she’d end up dead, but its still unbelievable to watch on TV. This shit is on par with when Princess Diana died as far as media coverage. THE GIRL IS FUCKING OUT OF HER MIND AND HER FAMILY WAITED TOO DAMN LONG TO DO THIS. So let’s recap:

Britney Spears

– Britney apparently has a sleeping condition caused by Aderall and a meth addiction. She’s also been taking up to 10 laxatives a day and hasn’t slept since Saturday. Oh and she said her mom slept with K FEd, too. Sounds about right.

Jamie Spears

– Britney’s dad clearly looks like he’s about 75 years old. You have to feel bad for the guy. And congratulations on finally stepping in and trying to knock out her holder. 

– Have you ready anything on this Osama Lutfi character? His “psycho” resume is like four fucking pages long and I don’t care if 80% of its gossip or not. Someone stab him through the heart.

Lynne Spears

– What kind of mother let’s this shit go on? I know Britney’s old enough to make her own decisions, but she’s obviously not MENTALLY STABLE enough to do so. And you’re not mentally stable enough to slap the shit out of your daughter and get her help (Update: there are reports that Lynne wanted to take Brit to Malibu instead of UCLA. Great mom she is!)

Jamie Lynn Spears

– Jaime Lynn better be taking fucking notes.

Justin Timberlake

– Justin Timberlake has to undoubtedly feel pretty upset about all this, but I’m sure he forgets all about the bullet he dodged when he’s banging Ms. Biel every night.

– Thank you to SOMEONE in Britney’s camp for having the balls to finally get a psychiatrist to go as far as to clear the airspace above Britney’s house so that they could “get her to the hospital safely.” Wait, she wasn’t airlifted? That doesn’t make sense. I’m sure TMZ would have given her a lift for the right price.

Big Package

Oh and the lingo the cops were using (i.e. extracting the “package”) really fooled all those paparazzi. Unless they were coming to my house, the word “package” will probably never have a “bigger” meaning. If you get my drift.   :wink wink:

And my guess is that the guy from Grey’s Anatomy who also checked in because he’s “sleep deprived” was a decoy to keep the media off Britney, too. Problem is no one gives a fuck. Everyone is talking about him being there while his five kids are at home wondering “Where’s daddy? Is he going to pick up the package, too?”

Your move, Daniel Edwards by idontknowmuch

Was this supposed to be Oprah?

Oprah sculpture

Or pregnant Halle Berry?

Halle Berry pregnant

Because if its Halle, you made her look too much like Oprah, dumbass.

Of Course She Looks Bigger by idontknowmuch

Jessica Alba pregnant

She’s pregnant. Thats usually what happens to girls who are pregnant. They gain weight. The ones that don’t look like they’ve put on any pounds until they’re like 7 1/2 months along are freaks of nature anyways. And to be honest, I think she still looks damn fine. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll ever get this picture out of my mind:

Jessia Alba’s ass

But give her a damn break. Who cares if her cheeks are getting fat? Are you even looking at her cheeks in the picture above? No…not those cheeks. Obviously we’re all looking at her ass. The one’s on her face. 

Oh nevermind. 

Watch Top Chef. Trust Me. by idontknowmuch

Top Chef’s new season is being shot in Chicago, so let’s hope we see drunken pictures of the host Padma Lakshmi around town. There is something about her that sort of puts me off until I see pictures like this:

Pad Lakshmi

I’m a bit of a bit food nut and I can normally watch cooking shows without bringing sex into them (unless Giada DeLaurentiis is on), but now I get to enjoy both on Top Chef. And not only can the girl look incredibly hot when she wants to, but she’s also got a brain, she can cook, and she likes old fat guys. Now all I need to do is get old and I’ll have a perfect little woman to take care of me. That and make a couple million dollars.

Bonus pic:

Padma Lakshmi ass

I can’t wait for the ‘Scream’ remake by idontknowmuch

Variety reports that New Line Cinema is talking about putting together a remake of “Nightmare on Elm Street.” You know, because remakes are doing so well lately.

Platinum Dunes partners Michael Bay, Brad Fuller and Andrew Form have been set by New Line to relaunch the movie series centered on the iconic killer, who haunts the dreams of teenagers and kills them in their sleep.

Nightmare on Elm Street 

Wait, Michael Bay is involved? Then this is sure to be awesome!!!

This news comes after it was announced that the same team will begin work on a ‘Friday the 13th’ remake this spring. Recently, other horror classics from my childhood that were remade and shit on include ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ and ‘Halloween.’

I understand that its difficult to come up with a new way to do the slasher flick. Also, unless your film resembles a snuff film, its not going to stand up to the gore included in pieces of crap like ‘Hostel’ or ‘Turistas’; therefore, maybe its safe to just ratchet up the blood in a story which has already been proven to bring in customers. But there has to be some original script floating around out there which includes the suspense of the old ‘Halloween’ movies and the right amount of gore.

That rack is just depressing by idontknowmuch
January 30, 2008, 10:01 am
Filed under: Britney Spears | Tags: , ,

In the last 25 or so seconds of this video, you can see Brit in a tasteful see-thru shirt with her udders protruding out of what appears to be her stomach. Five years ago, a video of Britney’s tits would of sent me screaming from the highest of mountains to alert my countrymen of the wonder that is the Internet.

Now, her naked body looks like about 50% of the drunk chicks at my alma mater, Western Illinois University. How sad.

Thats All I Have to Say About That by idontknowmuch

Britney Spears

I don’t really believe in violence, but someone needs to slap some god damn sense into this girl. And it should be her mother and father. She just needs attention (thats very obvious), so show some. Put some panties on her mommy ass and get her the hell out of L.A. Work on getting those kids back. Or else she’s going to end up dead. Or on Celebrity Rehab.

And we all know we’d love to watch that great piece of television history, but I don’t even know if Dr. Drew can help this bitch out. Let’s just hope Jamie Lynn is watching this self-destruction and she makes things right, too. When Britney went down the tubes, you know all you perverts out there were just waiting for her sister to become of age. Now look at what you did, Jaime Lynn. You ruined that for all of them. Selfish bitch.

Maybe now she’ll grow some boobs by idontknowmuch

Beacon of jouirnalistic integrity Sun UK is reporting that Gwen Stefani is pregnant with her second child. Baby’s father is probably Gavin Rossdale, who I hear is somewhat popular with the ladies.

Gwen Stefani

Well, I wish I could come up with a snarky comment, but its hard to in this case. With all of the complete morons having kids right now, especially those in Hollywood, these two seem relatively normal and intelligent people who are good parents.

When reached for comment, Tony Kanal said “I’m really happy for Gwen. She’s made a lot of money and seems really happy. I am too, you know. I just put a batch of donuts in the fryer here, and if everything turns out well, I’ll be named assistant manager of this Krispy Kreme by the end of the week!”

I’m DEFINITELY a stalled Clear by idontknowmuch
January 28, 2008, 3:40 pm
Filed under: Leah Remini, Scientology | Tags: , , , , , ,

Leah Remini

So….ummm I don’t even know where to begin. This shit reminds me of a group of friends I used to know I was little. They had a tree fort on our block and made up weird chants and prayers that they said to this tree. And every time I was around them, they’d use weird language and codes for things, like if they were going to leave and go around the block, they’d say “GATB”. I know. Brilliant, right?

Needless to say, I didn’t hang out with these kids for very long. One of them was GATB when a car hit him and he flew like forty feet into a tree. And all I could think of was “You guys pray to these god damn trees and now look at you.” That’s my only explanation for this:

“This is Leah Remini Writing you again. Some of you may know me from the TV show “King of Queens”, but what is more important is that I m now OT V and at one point I was a very stalled Clear. A lot of people helped me to get OT, and I decided I was going to turn around and help every Clear make it to OT….

If your C/S has CS ed you for the PTS SP course, or some other needed action to get you rolling up the GRADECHART faster, then do it, and do it fast….

I would hear people talk to me about other Clears and refer to them as “stalled Clears” and I would be like “Yeah-they are totally stalled. You guys should handle them.” Never once did I think “I” was a stalled Clear, because I was always doing something. Once my mother told me I was stalled and I actually thought she was an idiot. Really, I thought “Wow, she really should handle that.” I also thought she just didn’t know me. My mom is OT VII and a Class VI. She did know me and she was right. So, it is up to you now to be honest with yourself and look at your own progress up the Bridge….”

If I learned anything from the strange backyard tree cult, it is this – the Scientologists better not ever cross a real goddamn bridge. That thing is gonna fall down. Or quite possibly fall down on top of them. True story.

You’re achy-breaking your father’s heart!!! by idontknowmuch

When the wife and I think about possibly having a kid sometime soon, we think about some of the people who we believe are great parents and how we want to take little lessons we have learned from those parents and formulate our own parenting ‘strategy’, as it were. Those people include our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and of course, Billy Ray Cyrus.

So it came as a complete shock to me that Billy Ray’s youngin’, ‘Hannah Montana’ star Miley Cyrus, has had some not-so-innocent pictures of her appear online this weekend.

Hannah Montana

Sweetie, listen to someone older: you have the rest of your life to skank it up. You’re only 16……I think. If you want to send ‘racy’ pictures to the dude you’re fucking when you’re 22, and those pictures get leaked online, I will happily post them. I might even email them to my friends and the male members of my family. But just wait.