She’s Just Being Ugly by idontknowmuch

Miley Cyrus ugly

Supposedly Ms. Hannah Montana here saved some dog from imminent doom. At least that’s how everyone who’s posting THESE PICTURES of Miley Cyrus is acting. The dog ran away from its owner for probably 45 seconds and then found Miley Cyrus and her dad petting it. The owner probably asked what the hell that green goblin was doing near her precious pooch, screaming that she needs to unhand her now, and then realized who the goblin was and asked if she wanted to buy the dog for $100.

Same thing happened to me in a park one time. This mange-y looking dog came running up to me, begging me to give it some of my Jimmy John’s, and I almost choked trying to tell it to leave me to my #9 Italian Night Club sandwich. This ridiculously good-looking dog walker comes running up and apologizes to me, saying she was sorry the dog ruined my lunch blah blah blah. Then the bitch has the nerve to think I’m Carson fucking Daly and she sits down next to me with the dog on her lap. The dog grabs some of my genoa salami and before I can even react, this girl blurts out “I want some of your salami, too.”

True story. Except she really just wanted some salami off the sandwich. The restraining order is still in effect. I guess you can’t pull out your man meat in public unless someone is very specific with you. I blame the FCC.

Check out the nutritional facts for this wonderful sandwich:

Jimmy John’s #9 Italian Night Club sandwich

The Next Generation by idontknowmuch

Ali Lohan

The picture above was not posted so we can see Lindsay’s much younger sister in a bikini (although Lindsay is looking good here). It was posted because Teen Vogue printed an interview with Ali Lohan where she says things like this:

“I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it’s so cool when people look up to you. I’ve already been asked for my autograph and it’s just a really good feeling to have.”

And she wants to be famous: “really bad, so bad. So bad you don’t even know.”

With a reality show already in the works with her whore of a mother, Dina Lohan, I’m going to say, without a shred of doubt, that she will follow in her sister’s footsteps. Look at the way she already talks and how much attention she is craving. She’s already in the shadows of the naked photoshoot and millions of dollars her sister has made off her tits acting. She’s going to have to fuck prove to everyone that she can be just as whorey good as her sister, or at least as talented hot.

Let’s follow a pattern here: Britney and Jaime Lynn. Now Lindsay and Ali. I wanna know if Hayden has any younger sisters that want to “prove themselves”. And look at what Miley Cyrus has done with her dad’s success (even though I don’t know how). All this goes back to the parents. The Spears and the Lohans are horrible, horrible parents and its very clear to see that with their children’s actions. Now I know money and fame and success and pressure play into all this, but if Miley stays the course and stops posting MySpace pictures and is a nice girl, then this will prove my point further. And if Hayden stays a nice girl, too.

But just look at our previous post about the Southwest Airlines dumb sluts. All I know is that when I was 13 or 14, girls weren’t dressing like B-squad strippers or making videos of themselves dancing in their underwear or naked. And if they were, then I blame the internet for taking so god damn long to develop. These kids todays have it so easy seeing boobs. They didn’t have to look through squiggly lines on the TV in the basement at night and wait for a nipple to pop up. They can go on YouTube or Flickr right now and find naughty pictures of the hot girls in school and their next door neighbors slightly older daughter that just “matured” a bit more.

In my day, if you wanted to be a creep, you had to just look over the fence at her or try to sneak into the girls bathroom and pretend you thought it was the guys. Thats the right to do it, dammit.

They’re my favorites, too, Miley by idontknowmuch

Miley Cyrus schoolgirl

Once again, I’m sure you all have lives and don’t actually watch programs called “America’s Best Dance Crew” or anything that Randy Jackson presents, but there’s a kid on that show named Tony Zane (Break Sk8) and he’s from the town I grew up in, so I have it on my DVR. And Miley Cyrus and Hayden Panettiere must have time in their busy schedules to watch. Miley loves the Jabbawockeez and Hayden admits that she “likes to shake her booty.”

Now let me tell you – I like to shake my booty just like Ms. Panettiere, especially when I’m drunk. It might not be too pretty, but I have fun doing it and every once in a while a girl will dance with me, so just leave me alone, but check these guys out:

“Then Super Man Dat Hoe. Now, Watch me You….You….You….”

Meet Hollywood’s Next Teen Whore by idontknowmuch

Miley Cyrus see-through shirt bra

I know. I’m just as surprised as you are. But you heard it here first on You’ll be hearing plenty about things similar to this on our blog. And thats because we feel a responsibility to the public to warn you about jailbait before you become attracted to them. Look at Lindsay Lohan. Or the Olsen trolls. We were just waiting for them to become of age – some of them gave us what we wanted and some of them continue to disappoint – but at least we have some warning.

Oh and burn your computer to the ground after looking at pictures like these. Methinks you might go to jail. And your MySpace page roaming doesn’t help either. They’re 15, asshole. FIF. TEEN.

Lawyer’s Note: The writers of this site do not condone viewing of said picture that has been posted above. It is purely for reference and should not be viewed by anyone older than 17 and one half years of age, depending on your state of residence.

You’re achy-breaking your father’s heart!!! by idontknowmuch

When the wife and I think about possibly having a kid sometime soon, we think about some of the people who we believe are great parents and how we want to take little lessons we have learned from those parents and formulate our own parenting ‘strategy’, as it were. Those people include our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and of course, Billy Ray Cyrus.

So it came as a complete shock to me that Billy Ray’s youngin’, ‘Hannah Montana’ star Miley Cyrus, has had some not-so-innocent pictures of her appear online this weekend.

Hannah Montana

Sweetie, listen to someone older: you have the rest of your life to skank it up. You’re only 16……I think. If you want to send ‘racy’ pictures to the dude you’re fucking when you’re 22, and those pictures get leaked online, I will happily post them. I might even email them to my friends and the male members of my family. But just wait.