Why Does This Surprise ANYONE? by phattyjboy
March 12, 2008, 10:31 am
Filed under: Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson

Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson

Of course Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson are canoodling on the set of “Marley & Me”. (Side note: Why can’t they just say “making sexy time” or “batting each other’s shit around”?) He tried to off himself not even a year ago and I’m still surprised she never did after all the bullshit STILL in the tabloids about how Angelina Jolie ruined her marriage. Sweetie, she’s much hotter than you and Brad Pitt can have any woman he wants except maybe Angelina so of course he wanted to go after her. Look at the way she’s treating him. He loves every minute of it because for once he’s not in control.

And now you’re hooking up with one of your ex’s friends. What would Vince say about all of this? Honestly, he probably doesn’t care. You and Owen, who I really do like, can go take your pathetic realities and enjoy each other for a minute. He’ll move on to much younger ass (Kate Hudson is soooo much hotter) and you’ll sit there wondering how a guy who wanted to end his life would leave you. Listen, I myself would be happy to have you as a 39 year old. You’re still much hotter than 93% of the almost-40’s out there. Keep your head up. And enjoy Mr. Wilson’s weed.

You know what this is like? High school. Everyone just goes around and swaps with everyone. Its actually pretty disturbing to think of how many girls have slept with at least three other guys that I grew up with. The thing that lets me sleep at night is that I tagged (almost) all of them first and then let them run to my retarded friends, only to step in afterwards as the “sensitive” friend and then sleep with them again. That is, how you say, how I roll.