South Louisiana Park by phattyjboy

Britney Spears on South Park

I love when the South Park guys comment on today’s important subjects. Britney Spears is probably the most important celebrity figure of the last year, and instead of exploiting her completely, they tugged at our heart strings with this episode.

Nevermind that they have Britney come to South Park to escape the paparazzi, only to blow her head off with a shotgun to try and rid herself of the torment of being a celebrity. Nevermind that she survives and they record an album and shoot a video with her headless body, only to make fun of her for being too dumb and fat. And nevermind that that she had to eventually die because without her sacrifice, there would have never been a good harvest.

Not only is South Park a sounding board for politically incorrect “truths” and sound opinions, but they are also prognosticators. The next sacrificial lamb (and quasi-reincarnation of Ms. Spears) is……Miley Cyrus. Told you, folks. I told you months ago. She’s just being Britney Miley.

Bonus material: Please please please go check out “Southside Park” if you haven’t seen it. Wow. Spot on.

Bonus Bonus material: Click HERE for a full version of last night’s episode.

I See Nothing Wrong With This Move by idontknowmuch


People Magazine is reporting that Billy Ray Cyrus did not delete Lindsay Lohan’s phone number from his daughter Miley’s phone, despite rumors to the contrary.

“We love Lindsay,” Billy Ray said.

Honestly, I understand that Billy Ray is being diplomatic, but I don’t think anyone would blame him for doing this. Lets face it: Miley’s slut potential is off the charts. She has already been photographed in her bikini/underwear, and those photos were posted on the internet. She’s rich, and she’s only 15. She’s on the Britney/Lindsay career path, and now LiLo herself is offering up personal skank tutoring lessons. Of course you’re deleting the number. I would of taken the phone and burned it. Then, I would of placed the ashes in a tin box and buried it 10 feet below ground in an unmarked grave. Thats the only way to be sure the evil is purged, you know.

(Also, for those of you that are disappointed I didn’t post a Miley picture instead of a Lindsay picture as the banner……shame on you).

She’s Just Being Ugly by idontknowmuch

Miley Cyrus ugly

Supposedly Ms. Hannah Montana here saved some dog from imminent doom. At least that’s how everyone who’s posting THESE PICTURES of Miley Cyrus is acting. The dog ran away from its owner for probably 45 seconds and then found Miley Cyrus and her dad petting it. The owner probably asked what the hell that green goblin was doing near her precious pooch, screaming that she needs to unhand her now, and then realized who the goblin was and asked if she wanted to buy the dog for $100.

Same thing happened to me in a park one time. This mange-y looking dog came running up to me, begging me to give it some of my Jimmy John’s, and I almost choked trying to tell it to leave me to my #9 Italian Night Club sandwich. This ridiculously good-looking dog walker comes running up and apologizes to me, saying she was sorry the dog ruined my lunch blah blah blah. Then the bitch has the nerve to think I’m Carson fucking Daly and she sits down next to me with the dog on her lap. The dog grabs some of my genoa salami and before I can even react, this girl blurts out “I want some of your salami, too.”

True story. Except she really just wanted some salami off the sandwich. The restraining order is still in effect. I guess you can’t pull out your man meat in public unless someone is very specific with you. I blame the FCC.

Check out the nutritional facts for this wonderful sandwich:

Jimmy John’s #9 Italian Night Club sandwich

The Next Generation by idontknowmuch

Ali Lohan

The picture above was not posted so we can see Lindsay’s much younger sister in a bikini (although Lindsay is looking good here). It was posted because Teen Vogue printed an interview with Ali Lohan where she says things like this:

“I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it’s so cool when people look up to you. I’ve already been asked for my autograph and it’s just a really good feeling to have.”

And she wants to be famous: “really bad, so bad. So bad you don’t even know.”

With a reality show already in the works with her whore of a mother, Dina Lohan, I’m going to say, without a shred of doubt, that she will follow in her sister’s footsteps. Look at the way she already talks and how much attention she is craving. She’s already in the shadows of the naked photoshoot and millions of dollars her sister has made off her tits acting. She’s going to have to fuck prove to everyone that she can be just as whorey good as her sister, or at least as talented hot.

Let’s follow a pattern here: Britney and Jaime Lynn. Now Lindsay and Ali. I wanna know if Hayden has any younger sisters that want to “prove themselves”. And look at what Miley Cyrus has done with her dad’s success (even though I don’t know how). All this goes back to the parents. The Spears and the Lohans are horrible, horrible parents and its very clear to see that with their children’s actions. Now I know money and fame and success and pressure play into all this, but if Miley stays the course and stops posting MySpace pictures and is a nice girl, then this will prove my point further. And if Hayden stays a nice girl, too.

But just look at our previous post about the Southwest Airlines dumb sluts. All I know is that when I was 13 or 14, girls weren’t dressing like B-squad strippers or making videos of themselves dancing in their underwear or naked. And if they were, then I blame the internet for taking so god damn long to develop. These kids todays have it so easy seeing boobs. They didn’t have to look through squiggly lines on the TV in the basement at night and wait for a nipple to pop up. They can go on YouTube or Flickr right now and find naughty pictures of the hot girls in school and their next door neighbors slightly older daughter that just “matured” a bit more.

In my day, if you wanted to be a creep, you had to just look over the fence at her or try to sneak into the girls bathroom and pretend you thought it was the guys. Thats the right to do it, dammit.

They’re my favorites, too, Miley by idontknowmuch

Miley Cyrus schoolgirl

Once again, I’m sure you all have lives and don’t actually watch programs called “America’s Best Dance Crew” or anything that Randy Jackson presents, but there’s a kid on that show named Tony Zane (Break Sk8) and he’s from the town I grew up in, so I have it on my DVR. And Miley Cyrus and Hayden Panettiere must have time in their busy schedules to watch. Miley loves the Jabbawockeez and Hayden admits that she “likes to shake her booty.”

Now let me tell you – I like to shake my booty just like Ms. Panettiere, especially when I’m drunk. It might not be too pretty, but I have fun doing it and every once in a while a girl will dance with me, so just leave me alone, but check these guys out:

“Then Super Man Dat Hoe. Now, Watch me You….You….You….”

Topic of the Week: February 18th, 2008 (even though its the 19th) – Hollywood Sluts by idontknowmuch

Lohan Topless Covered by Nipple

Phatty: So I woke up this yesterday morning and had the delight of viewing New York Magazine’s pictorial spread of Lindsay Lohan. The photoshoot is an homage to “The Last Sitting”, the series of photos of Marilyn Monroe at she took at the Bel-Air Hotel just six weeks before she died. And all I have to say is bravo, Lindsay. Not only did you completely screw up your acting career, but now you get to be an “artsy” whore so you can try and reclaim some of your star power. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge fan of the body of your work (insert cheesy cackle here). I didn’t like it when you got really, really skinny on that coke binge a while back, but you packed some meat on during rehab and daddy like-y. But you and your Hollywood slut bags have got to start having a little more class. You’re reported to have fucked everyone in Hollywood. Twice. And Britney? Let’s not even get started on her. She’s the trailer trash version of the high school slut. She got made up to look like America’s Sweetheart and then went right back to downing moonshine and screwing dirt bags in the barn. And Ms. Hilton – I don’t think there’s a square inch of your body that we haven’t seen, and the ones we haven’t are probably riddled with disease. To top it all off, all three of you have opened up yourselves to everyone in the country like we all have MD’s in gynecology. While some of us might “claim that we do, we, in fact, do not.

Jim: I have many problems with your paragraph here. One, you call Lindsay a whore for getting naked for publicity. Its things like that….and people like you….who will discourage the Scarlett Johannson’s and Jessica Alba’s of the world from posing naked once their career dries up like a booger on the sofa of life. Also, Britney isn’t a ‘Hollywood’ slut. Slut? Yes. Does she live around Hollywood? I think so. But she’s not an actress. Unless you call ‘Crossroads’ cinema. And I don’t. And at this point, I don’t even consider Paris Hilton human. She’s like plankton, or lice. And the media is her host, from which she sucks life.

Phatty: Let me have another go at the title then. “Sluts that live in or around Hollywood and the Los Angeles area”. Is that better? And another thing is that these bitches love when you call them whores anyways. Maybe ScarJo or Alba wouldn’t admit to it, but they both like the dirty talk. One thing we do agree on is Ms. Hilton. She is a plague. A plague that for some reason we cannot rid the world of or look away from. Would you really meet this bitch at a club and take her home, knowing full well that she’s been plowed more times than the cornfield in back of my house? That cornfield has been here for at least 150 years, so thats a lot of plowing. One thing that we can definitely agree on is that out of the three ladies in question, we both would love to play connect the dots with Lindsay’s freckles and never, ever see the other two in person ever. Never ever. Ever. Agreed?

Jim: Let me tell you something right now….I wouldn’t fuck Paris Hilton with your dick. Seriously. A lot of internet nerds say shit about famous women….”Oh, she isnt that hot”…..”Her legs are nasty”…..blah blah blah. But in secret they would cum if Jessica Biel walked by them on the street. But Paris? No, son. No. That chick has more diseases than the monkey in ‘Outbreak’. (Thanks, Kevin Smith).

Phatty: Let’s just hope that this procession of Hollywood whoredom continues and we can start pushing some of these older ho’s to the side. I don’t have a problem with seeing artsy pictures of Lohan’s breasts (although let’s keep your legs closed, hunnie), but who is the next generation? We already know Miley Cyrus is heading down that path. And we always have Lindsay’s sister. Britney’s sister completely bypassed even getting to this stage since she’s pregnant at 16 and we’ll hopefully never hear about that family again unless it is in the Kentwood Gazette. I wonder if they can live up to all the scandalousness of their older counterparts.

Jim: I’ve got to think that the next worthwhile Hollywood skanks are out there. Hayden Panettiere may be one. We haven’t seen much skankness out of her yet, but she’s 18 and dating a 30-year old. Plus, she was photographed hanging out with Paris and Nicole Ritchie when she was like 15. So she may be an undercover skank. Also, remember……about 3-5 years ago, no one would of thought Britney would be a skank. Now, she is the possible queen of the skanks. Maybe today’s cutesy, girl-next-door is 2013’s skank. Lindsay’s little sister? Dakota Fanning? Why not?

Phatty: I guess we can only wait and see. Meanwhile, let’s see some more hotties try and resurrect their careers with more nakedness and shameless whoring around. And do it before you turn out like Britney. Do you hear me, Miley?

Meet Hollywood’s Next Teen Whore by idontknowmuch

Miley Cyrus see-through shirt bra

I know. I’m just as surprised as you are. But you heard it here first on You’ll be hearing plenty about things similar to this on our blog. And thats because we feel a responsibility to the public to warn you about jailbait before you become attracted to them. Look at Lindsay Lohan. Or the Olsen trolls. We were just waiting for them to become of age – some of them gave us what we wanted and some of them continue to disappoint – but at least we have some warning.

Oh and burn your computer to the ground after looking at pictures like these. Methinks you might go to jail. And your MySpace page roaming doesn’t help either. They’re 15, asshole. FIF. TEEN.

Lawyer’s Note: The writers of this site do not condone viewing of said picture that has been posted above. It is purely for reference and should not be viewed by anyone older than 17 and one half years of age, depending on your state of residence.