I Beg of You by idontknowmuch

America = Cheeseburger and Fries

Please go to Food Fight and watch that amazing video. Its pretty funny AND you get a history refresher course along the way. You can also go HERE for a cheat sheet in case you don’t know what the hell food is associated with which country (there was a lot of beef stroganoff in there).

Kinda sad watching the hamburger towers come down on all the Freedom Fries though. The bombing of the sushi rolls was pretty entertaining though. I found out that I don’t care if sushi dies, but I’d probably care if an atom bomb was dropped on my country and actual people. The things we learn about ourselves.

Say It Ain’t So, Izzie! by idontknowmuch

Katherine Heigl/Dr. Izzie Stevens

The National Enquirer’s new issue claims:

After starring in the hit films Knocked Up and 27 Dresses, Katherine believes she has outgrown the small screen – and her agent is working overtime so she can devote herself full time to movies, sources say. “Katherine has even suggested to ‘Grey’s’ producers that they kill her character Dr. Izzie Stevens in dramatic fashion so her exit could bring in huge ratings,” a pal of the 29-year-old Emmy winner told The Enquirer. Newly married to rocker Josh Kelley and riding high on her box-office appeal, Katherine has formed a production company with her mother Nancy, whos her manager, and she’s being swamped with movie offers, said the pal. But leaving “Grey’s Will be an uphill battle because her contract with Touchstone and ABC is ironclad for the next two years, according to another source.

Honest;y, she’s probably doing the right thing. Grey’s is kind of going downhill. I know this shows are supposed to be about drama and the ER and they use sex to lure in viewers, but they honestly have everyone sleep with everyone. And then they make up characters just to throw an interesting plot twist. Next we’ll find out Meredith’s real father is the Chief and she’s part black and they’ll bring the racist black doctor back and they’ll hook up and then Christina and McDreamy will get it on right in front of everyone at the bar across the street. We get it. Hospitals are hard places to work in and everyone’s with each other 19 hours a day so they don’t have anyone else to bang anyways. We learned that from “ER” in the 90’s.

Katherine should have her character killed off, get some major publicity, and then try to become an accomplished movie actress. I think she did a good job in “Knocked Up”, but do I see her playing anything but gag comedy roles or shitty romantic comedies? Nope. Just keep playing the same character until we hate you and then go get fat with Josh and enjoy your millions. Maybe we’ll hear from you in 10 years when you lose all the weight and decide to do Playboy. That would be generous of you.

“10 Worst Nude Scenes of All-Time” is probably not the kind of list you want to be on by idontknowmuch

Marisa Tomei and Philip Seymour Hoffman had this to say:

Philip Seymour Hoffman has topped a list of the 10 Worst Nude Film Scenes of all time. The Oscar-winning actor landed the honour after baring all and romping in steamy sex scenes with Hollywood beauty Marisa Tomei in last year’s thriller ‘Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead’. Dennis Dermody, who compiled the list for US magazine, Paper, said: “The image of Philip’s big, bare flabby a** is branded on my brain.”

Patrick Dempsey – dubbed ‘Dr. McDreamy’ by fans of his hit TV show ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ – comes in second for his full-frontal nude scene in 1988 comedy ‘Some Girls’. Dermody blasts: “The scene won’t make you think McDreamy, but rather McTeeny.”

In third place is American football TV pundit Terry Bradshaw, who fed fish in an aquarium while completely naked in ‘Failure to Launch’ two years ago.

Fourth spot goes to 72-year-old star Donald Sutherland, who stripped off while undergoing a physical examination in ‘Space Cowboys’ in 2000.

And Oscar-winning actress Kathy Bates takes fifth spot after shocking audiences by “covering her body with mud and running around the jungle” in 1991 drama ‘At Play in the Fields of the Lord’.

No comment on any of these scenes except that Kathy Bates with clothes on makes me want to puke forever and ever. The good that comes out of this article? I found out how hot Marisa Tomei still is. You all love “My Cousin Vinny” and if you say you don’t, we know you secretly do. The guy from Karate Kid? Joe Pesci? Come on! But seriously, check out (NSFW) Marisa HERE and HERE and HERE. If you didn’t know who that was, you’d easily think she was in her late 20’s or early 30’s.

For more pictures and video of Philip Seymour Hoffman sweating all over poor Marisa, check out Egotastic.

One Flew Over the…. by idontknowmuch

Amy Winehouse nest

Is that…..mud on her face? Look at her hair? What the…..I’m so confused. Do you have to be all artsy and dirty and “I don’t give a fuck” to be a good singer? Ms. Winehouse sure does think so. And apparently so does Louis Vuitton. They are going to pay this creature $1 million to perform for them one-time at Paris Fashion Week. This news comes just one day after Amy was voted worst dressed at the NME Awards in London.

I swear to god there are birds nesting in this motherfucker. She has dirt on her face because birds gather twigs and trash to make their nests and they use dirt like a glue to hold everything together. Two weeks from now she’ll be roaming the streets and a fucking raven will hatch 5 babies out of this nest and then Ms. Winehouse’s hair will fall off when they fly away. You just wait.

Women of the Web by idontknowmuch

Marisa Miller

Just click HERE. Trust me. You’ll be happy that you did.

Sidenote: 100 hundred pictures of Marisa Miller might make my head explode. Just a bit.

IDKM Shocker of the Day by idontknowmuch

 Jamie Lynn Spears

The Sun UK is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears was an accident, just like the baby she’s carrying. What a wonderful family tradition. Jamie Lynn’s uncle William, speaking from his residence in a ‘camper van’, was interviewed by the British tabloid this week.

The Sun reports:

Jamie (the father) was shocked when he found out wife Lynne was pregnant (with Jamie Lynn) as he had a vasectomy after she gave birth to Britney, their second child…..Jamie demanded a DNA test, that eventually proved he was the baby’s biological father.  William added, “That’s why they named her Jamie Lynn, to kind of make the point that she was from both of them.”

So, lets get this straight. Jamie Lynn was conceived after her father was snipped. A DNA test later proved that Jamie was Jamie Lynn’s father. Then, they decided to name Jamie Lynn after both parents to ‘make the point’ that the daughter was from both of them.

My head is going to explode.

First, what does it say about the Spears’ family ability to reproduce if the men in the family aren’t even stopped by vasectomy? Rich, intelligent, loving people who would make great parents struggle to get pregnant, and this tribe of retards has a baby every time a man and woman in the family hold hands. Second, who performed the vasectomy–one of Uncle Willie’s friends from the trailer park? Third, the Spears family knew about DNA testing in 1991, when Lynn was pregnant with her now knocked up teen daughter? I highly doubt that. They probably think ‘DNA test’ stands for ‘Don’t (K)Now Anyone’ else who could have gotten me pregnant. And finally, after a supposed DNA test ruled that Jamie was the father of this little miracle, they still felt the need to name the baby Jamie Lynn to make a point that she was from both of them? What, the paternity test wasn’t enough? Giving the kid that name is the final nail in the coffin of proof?

And lets not forget, the source on this story is Uncle Willie from the camper van. Is there any wonder how this family is so completely fucked up?

Good timing, Hugh by idontknowmuch

The NY Post is reporting that Hugh Hefner and Playboy are offering Lindsay Lohan an opportunity to recreate some scene from some movie that Marilyn Monroe appeared naked in:

Playboy has offered the young star the chance to re-create Marilyn’s famed nude swim from the unfinished film “Something’s Got To Give.”

Lindsay Lohan 2

This would have been really awesome news if, you know, we hadn’t just seen her tits like a week ago. Not that I won’t look, but the cache is gone. Playboy used to be about getting chicks you’d never see naked to take their clothes off. Now Hef is just swooping in and grabbing up broads after piece of shit mags like NY Magazine have done the heavy lifting.

You know how in high school,  you would put in 6 months of work with a girl, finally get laid, and then later break up with the girl? Hugh is the guy who dates her immediately after and fucks her after talking to her for 15 minutes at a house party. Hey, to each his own, but where was this offer a year ago?

FDA is about to lay the smack down! by idontknowmuch

The Dark Knight movie poster

TMZ is reporting that the FDA is investigating at least two doctors who prescribed medications to Heath Ledger. Right after his death, the NYPD subpoenaed several documents to try and determine if the prescribed medications he had were prescribed in a medically-correct prescribable fashion. That is if they were prescribed rightly prescribably. If you remember correctly, there were varying reports on pill bottles being strewn about Heath’s apartment and pills being found around his body.

Unfortunately, we know that those reports shouldn’t have varied at all. This guy got some doctors to prescribe him a shit load of medication and he decided to take “legal doses” of each one, at the same time. I get scared when I take a multi-vitamin and an ibuprofen in the morning after a long night of binge drinking. Heath decided to rid his demons by reading each bottle, taking the exact dosage of each, and really expected that nothing bad would happen to him? Its unfortunate because I respect him as an actor and he had a young girl that will never fully know her father now. Jack Nicholson reportedly told Heath about the kind of demons he had to deal with when he played the part back in the 90’s. And judging by how spot-on Heath played the character in the much darker “The Dark Knight”, I’d say the reason he couldn’t sleep had something to do with that role.

They filmed parts of the movie here in Chicago and on several occasions, people reported Heath riding his skateboard with full costume and makeup on, flying down the streets of the Loop and scaring the shit out of people. Could you imagine what that would look like to some sweet administrative assistant on her way to lunch? Needless to say I can’t wait to see the movie. You can view a trailer that features the first six minutes of the movie HERE.

She’s Just Being Ugly by idontknowmuch

Miley Cyrus ugly

Supposedly Ms. Hannah Montana here saved some dog from imminent doom. At least that’s how everyone who’s posting THESE PICTURES of Miley Cyrus is acting. The dog ran away from its owner for probably 45 seconds and then found Miley Cyrus and her dad petting it. The owner probably asked what the hell that green goblin was doing near her precious pooch, screaming that she needs to unhand her now, and then realized who the goblin was and asked if she wanted to buy the dog for $100.

Same thing happened to me in a park one time. This mange-y looking dog came running up to me, begging me to give it some of my Jimmy John’s, and I almost choked trying to tell it to leave me to my #9 Italian Night Club sandwich. This ridiculously good-looking dog walker comes running up and apologizes to me, saying she was sorry the dog ruined my lunch blah blah blah. Then the bitch has the nerve to think I’m Carson fucking Daly and she sits down next to me with the dog on her lap. The dog grabs some of my genoa salami and before I can even react, this girl blurts out “I want some of your salami, too.”

True story. Except she really just wanted some salami off the sandwich. The restraining order is still in effect. I guess you can’t pull out your man meat in public unless someone is very specific with you. I blame the FCC.

Check out the nutritional facts for this wonderful sandwich:

Jimmy John’s #9 Italian Night Club sandwich

We’ll find out in May by idontknowmuch

Scarlett Johansson can sing

David Bowie has spoken about Scarlett Johannson’s first album, expected to drop in May 19th, 2008. The album is a collection of covers of Tom Waits songs, of which Bowie collaborated on “Anywhere I Lay My Head – Fallin’ Down” and “Fannin’ Street”. Here’s what he had to say:

Posting on his official site BowieNet, the singer said: “The songs are great, really good Tom Waits stuff, and Scarlett’s performances are mystical and twice cool. She creates a mood that could have been summoned by someone like Margery Latimer or Jeanette Winterson.”

I love a girl who can sing. I can’t even imagine what it would like to have a girl as hot, freaky, and big-boobed as ScarJo and then have her be able to sing you to sleep. That may sound creepy, but I’m sure there are some nights when you can’t get to sleep because of the bad storm outside. All that lightening and thunder. I don’t care if you call me a pussy. I’m nestled between Scarlett’s breasts while she softly whispers in my ear, coaxing me gently into a steady pattern of rapid eye movement. A boy can dream, can’t he?