Nick and Vanessa Still Together by idontknowmuch


Us Magazine reports that rumors of a break-up between Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are not true.

The National Enquirer reported that the couple sat in ‘stone silence’ during what appeared to be ‘an argument’ last month. More from the Us article:

“They are 100 percent together and fine and in love,” a source says. “Nick and Vanessa did go to dinner that night but there was no fight. When they got in the car, Vanessa looked annoyed in pictures because she was fixing her eyelash!”

As much as I think Nick Lachey is knee-deep in ass, epecially when hanging out with Matt Leinart, I find the Enquirer’s report of a break-up based on that dinner to be even more laughable than the usual Enquirer fair. Why? Because they say that the two ‘sat in stone silence during what seemed like an argument’. First of all, what kind of argument is that? Two people are mad at each other, and they show that by not talking? Maybe immediately after the argument a couple is silent…..but who is silent during an argument? That makes no sense at all. Second of all, these two have been together for a while; at this point, I’m sure they have nothing left to say to each other. All couples stop talking during dinner at some point. Its common. Honestly, what are these two gonna say to each other?

Nick: You know, I used to fuck Jessica Simpson?
Vanessa: Yeah, I know. That’s why I’ve heard of you. Its the only reason you’re famous, really. We’ve gone over this about 100 times.
Nick: Well, what the fuck have you done? Besides this spread in Maxim and interviewing fucking Vanessa Carlton, what have you contributed to society?
Vanessa: Fuck you!
Nick: Not tonight….I have a date with a threesome of USC cheerleaders. But I’ll call you from the road.

At least, thats how I imagine it in my head.

Huh?–UPDATE by idontknowmuch
April 2, 2008, 8:03 am
Filed under: Jessica Simpson, Jim | Tags: , , ,


People Magazine reports that Jessica Simpson has been hospitalized for a “kidney infection” but is currently doing fine:

As for what caused her to check into the hospital, “She had a fever and it seemed important to get it treated,” the source said.

I’m confused, and not just because for the last six months, I can only achieve climax while watching tranny porn. Why does someone goes to a fucking hospital with just a fever? Most people still go to work. Others might stay home and relax. Unless you’re an infant or small child, who goes to the hospital for a high temperature? Celebrities, apparently.


Second, what the fuck is a ‘kidney infection’? I’ve heard of a urinary tract infection. I’ve heard of kidney stones. I have never heard of a kidney infection. Thats like being nauseus and saying you have a ‘stomach infection’.

I think one of two things happened here. One, a high fever is generally a symptom of a herpes outbreak (don’t ask me how I know); therefore, Jessica Simpson has herpes and her publicist is covering it up. The second possibility is that Jessica actually went to the hospital and has a urinary tract infection, and this source is a moron who called it a kidney infection.


I like this possibility because while in college, a girl told me she had a urinary tract infection. I asked her what caused it, and she said the doctor told her a common cause was not having orgasms. That doctor was probably full of shit and a quack, but I like the idea of Jess getting this news while in a hospital, and then asking random hot nurses to go down on her in order to alleviate this medical problem. I really should write porn.

Enjoy the pics of Jess, which are the main reasons for this post.

UPDATE–According to the Mayo Clinic, a kidney infection is a type of urinary tract infection that requires prompt medical attention. Antibiotics are the typical treatment.

(Wow…..and who was it that said that a kidney infection was much more serious and that what Jess probably had was a urinary tract infection? Oh yeah, it was me. And who was derided by a commenter for that idea? Oh yeah, me. Go google that.)

Only Man for Jess by idontknowmuch

Papa Joe Simpson and Jessica Simpson

Let’s see…….

Nick Lakie (I don’t care if its Lachey)

John Mayer

That guy from Maroon 5

Dane Cook

John Mayer

That guy from biology class (lucky bastard)

John Mayer again

Biology class dude again (John Mayer’s pissed)

Tony Romo

Terrell Owens (he was saying sorry)

Jason Witten (you know it happened)

Tony Romo

Obviously her dad is the only one to make those boobies happy. Creep.

Or maybe she’s just a fucking nutjob.