IDontKnowMuch.com


IDKM Shocker of the Day by idontknowmuch

 Jamie Lynn Spears

The Sun UK is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears was an accident, just like the baby she’s carrying. What a wonderful family tradition. Jamie Lynn’s uncle William, speaking from his residence in a ‘camper van’, was interviewed by the British tabloid this week.

The Sun reports:

Jamie (the father) was shocked when he found out wife Lynne was pregnant (with Jamie Lynn) as he had a vasectomy after she gave birth to Britney, their second child…..Jamie demanded a DNA test, that eventually proved he was the baby’s biological father.  William added, “That’s why they named her Jamie Lynn, to kind of make the point that she was from both of them.”

So, lets get this straight. Jamie Lynn was conceived after her father was snipped. A DNA test later proved that Jamie was Jamie Lynn’s father. Then, they decided to name Jamie Lynn after both parents to ‘make the point’ that the daughter was from both of them.

My head is going to explode.

First, what does it say about the Spears’ family ability to reproduce if the men in the family aren’t even stopped by vasectomy? Rich, intelligent, loving people who would make great parents struggle to get pregnant, and this tribe of retards has a baby every time a man and woman in the family hold hands. Second, who performed the vasectomy–one of Uncle Willie’s friends from the trailer park? Third, the Spears family knew about DNA testing in 1991, when Lynn was pregnant with her now knocked up teen daughter? I highly doubt that. They probably think ‘DNA test’ stands for ‘Don’t (K)Now Anyone’ else who could have gotten me pregnant. And finally, after a supposed DNA test ruled that Jamie was the father of this little miracle, they still felt the need to name the baby Jamie Lynn to make a point that she was from both of them? What, the paternity test wasn’t enough? Giving the kid that name is the final nail in the coffin of proof?

And lets not forget, the source on this story is Uncle Willie from the camper van. Is there any wonder how this family is so completely fucked up?



The Next Generation by idontknowmuch

Ali Lohan

The picture above was not posted so we can see Lindsay’s much younger sister in a bikini (although Lindsay is looking good here). It was posted because Teen Vogue printed an interview with Ali Lohan where she says things like this:

“I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you … it’s so cool when people look up to you. I’ve already been asked for my autograph and it’s just a really good feeling to have.”

And she wants to be famous: “really bad, so bad. So bad you don’t even know.”

With a reality show already in the works with her whore of a mother, Dina Lohan, I’m going to say, without a shred of doubt, that she will follow in her sister’s footsteps. Look at the way she already talks and how much attention she is craving. She’s already in the shadows of the naked photoshoot and millions of dollars her sister has made off her tits acting. She’s going to have to fuck prove to everyone that she can be just as whorey good as her sister, or at least as talented hot.

Let’s follow a pattern here: Britney and Jaime Lynn. Now Lindsay and Ali. I wanna know if Hayden has any younger sisters that want to “prove themselves”. And look at what Miley Cyrus has done with her dad’s success (even though I don’t know how). All this goes back to the parents. The Spears and the Lohans are horrible, horrible parents and its very clear to see that with their children’s actions. Now I know money and fame and success and pressure play into all this, but if Miley stays the course and stops posting MySpace pictures and is a nice girl, then this will prove my point further. And if Hayden stays a nice girl, too.

But just look at our previous post about the Southwest Airlines dumb sluts. All I know is that when I was 13 or 14, girls weren’t dressing like B-squad strippers or making videos of themselves dancing in their underwear or naked. And if they were, then I blame the internet for taking so god damn long to develop. These kids todays have it so easy seeing boobs. They didn’t have to look through squiggly lines on the TV in the basement at night and wait for a nipple to pop up. They can go on YouTube or Flickr right now and find naughty pictures of the hot girls in school and their next door neighbors slightly older daughter that just “matured” a bit more.

In my day, if you wanted to be a creep, you had to just look over the fence at her or try to sneak into the girls bathroom and pretend you thought it was the guys. Thats the right to do it, dammit.



One Liners by idontknowmuch



– How fun would Gary Busey be at my next cocktail party? I’ll let you know!  (IDLYITW)

–  Something isn’t very beautiful about this, Christina. Yikes. (WWTDD)

– She’ll look exactly like her mother in a few years. Just wait. (DrunkenStepfather)

– Another edition of “Way Too Hot For Him” this Wednesday on ABC. (DrunkenStepfather)

– They’re definitely lesbians together. (SeriouslyOMG)

– I like this quote: “Too bad she didn’t pass the oral exam, or she might not be in the bind she’s in now.” (ICYDK)

– I love his band, but come on, Jared. (Dlisted)

– Damn it, Summer. ::sigh:: (JustJared)



Topic of the Week: February 25th, 2008 – Does pregnancy really ruin a bitch? by idontknowmuch

Jessica Alba Pre-Oscars weird party

I know what you’re going to say, ladies: You are not all bitches and pregnancy is a beautiful thing and what would your mothers think? Well she doesn’t read this blog, thank god.

Jim: Interesting topic here. Now, before I get into this, you should have some background on me. I like curves. Skinny women with no breasts or ass do absolutely nothing for me. Rarely am I attracted to a woman with a B cup or smaller. So I am never going to get mad when a woman’s tits get huge and her ass gets more full. However, I don’t crave fat women, either. I dont have a pregnancy fetish. So if a woman isn’t really showing, up to 4 or 5 months, theres a good chance the pregnancy itself makes a woman hotter. But after that, I think I’d rather log on to assparade and visit my friend Peaches. Thats just how it goes.

Chris: Now I agree with you, my friend. I definitely like curves on a woman, too. Woman are supposed to have curves and especially an ass. I’m a complete ass man. I don’t really discriminate on the boobage, but I’m not going to say I don’t like a good pair. I will tell you this though. There are some pregnant woman that are really hot even up until the end. Maybe its because I already have a child of my own, but I’m not freaked out by the huge bump. But there is also a phenomenon that must be addressed here. Some woman are pregnant and get freaking huge and then shrink down to their normal size in about a month, some it seems like in a few days. Others don’t ever return to how they looked before. But there boobage remains much more robust for months to come. Look at Christina Aguilera. Salma Hayek. Camilla Alves. Brooke Burke.

Jim: And this is the phenomena I am hoping for Jessica Alba. If you remember, about 5 or 6 years ago, when she was in ‘Dark Angel’, Jess was just…….sublime. She wasn’t too skinny, but yet was nowhere near fat–or even thick. Then she started losing weight. A few months ago, she couldnt have been more than 100 pounds, and for a girl who was at her hottest when she had a decent rack and RIDICULOUS ASS, the skinny look isnt cool. So maybe now, her body will keep that weight on. If female celebrities getting pregnant–and the resulting love they get for their fuller figures–finally wakes people up to the fact that super-skinny IS NOT HOT, then I’m all for it. Thats why I’m starting to think all female celebrities who are getting too skinny in th future should just get knocked up. Some may say its not a good enough reason to get pregnant; I say, if Nicole Ritchie can get pregnant just to avoid jail time, then Hayden Panettiere can get knocked up so that we can look at her with a C cup. Its only fair.

Phatty: This might get confusing. I don’t think that Jamie Lynn Spears gets more attractive because she’s pregnant. She wasn’t too skinny in the first place, but she is only 16 and a Spears. So we can definitely say that pregnancy will ruin a Spears bitch, thats for damn sure. Not that Jaime Lynn was all that attractive, but next to her sister and her mom, I’d be choosing her. And I’m all for Hayden growing some boobies, but you know the pregnancy would go straight to that ass and thighs. She already has some issues in that department and she’s always working out, but hey I’m all for people who are trying to be active and healthy. I just don’t know how much of an improvement it would be…..

Jim: I never see her ass working out. I heard about her wrestling dolphins. Or was she hunting the fishermen that were hunting dolphin? I’m not sure. All I do know is that Hayden needs to get knocked up. We’ll get about 3-4 months of solid rack growth, then the bump will come, and then after that her bottom half will snap back into shape while her top half will be more respectable. She’s 18 and has no real job, and she has all that “heroes” money to get a personal trainer; she should have no problem losing the baby weight. But to be more on point, I think we have determined that pregnancy may not ruin a bitch……it depends on the bitch. Bitch.

Phatty: I guess you can actually say that we both don’t mind pregnant girls through their first couple months as long as it makes them have bigger boobies, bigger butts (but only if they need it), and that they get back on the treadmill after popping that kid out so that we can view them as hot again. And we’re both fat, balding slobs who should get on a treadmill ourselves so that at least a couple drunk bitches might say “Eh, he’ll do.”

Jim: Hey…..this isn’t about us and our incessant need to eat a pint of Ben n Jerry’s a night and follow that up with 2 artery clogging steaks, followed by sitting motionless on the couch for the following 3 hours, eventually leading to sleep. This is about famous women who are known for their beauty and their bodies, and their duty to stay hot until the next young starlet comes along and takes her spot. Everyone has their place…..bloggers are supposed to sit in their parent’s basements and make judgements of the beautiful people. The beautiful people are supposed to be beautiful.

Phatty: Spoken like a true poet.

Editor’s Note: Hayden Panettiere does work out. She wears workout clothes all the time. Although she doesn’t ever appear to be sweating….



Topic of the Week: February 18th, 2008 (even though its the 19th) – Hollywood Sluts by idontknowmuch

Lohan Topless Covered by Nipple

Phatty: So I woke up this yesterday morning and had the delight of viewing New York Magazine’s pictorial spread of Lindsay Lohan. The photoshoot is an homage to “The Last Sitting”, the series of photos of Marilyn Monroe at she took at the Bel-Air Hotel just six weeks before she died. And all I have to say is bravo, Lindsay. Not only did you completely screw up your acting career, but now you get to be an “artsy” whore so you can try and reclaim some of your star power. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge fan of the body of your work (insert cheesy cackle here). I didn’t like it when you got really, really skinny on that coke binge a while back, but you packed some meat on during rehab and daddy like-y. But you and your Hollywood slut bags have got to start having a little more class. You’re reported to have fucked everyone in Hollywood. Twice. And Britney? Let’s not even get started on her. She’s the trailer trash version of the high school slut. She got made up to look like America’s Sweetheart and then went right back to downing moonshine and screwing dirt bags in the barn. And Ms. Hilton – I don’t think there’s a square inch of your body that we haven’t seen, and the ones we haven’t are probably riddled with disease. To top it all off, all three of you have opened up yourselves to everyone in the country like we all have MD’s in gynecology. While some of us might “claim that we do, we, in fact, do not.

Jim: I have many problems with your paragraph here. One, you call Lindsay a whore for getting naked for publicity. Its things like that….and people like you….who will discourage the Scarlett Johannson’s and Jessica Alba’s of the world from posing naked once their career dries up like a booger on the sofa of life. Also, Britney isn’t a ‘Hollywood’ slut. Slut? Yes. Does she live around Hollywood? I think so. But she’s not an actress. Unless you call ‘Crossroads’ cinema. And I don’t. And at this point, I don’t even consider Paris Hilton human. She’s like plankton, or lice. And the media is her host, from which she sucks life.

Phatty: Let me have another go at the title then. “Sluts that live in or around Hollywood and the Los Angeles area”. Is that better? And another thing is that these bitches love when you call them whores anyways. Maybe ScarJo or Alba wouldn’t admit to it, but they both like the dirty talk. One thing we do agree on is Ms. Hilton. She is a plague. A plague that for some reason we cannot rid the world of or look away from. Would you really meet this bitch at a club and take her home, knowing full well that she’s been plowed more times than the cornfield in back of my house? That cornfield has been here for at least 150 years, so thats a lot of plowing. One thing that we can definitely agree on is that out of the three ladies in question, we both would love to play connect the dots with Lindsay’s freckles and never, ever see the other two in person ever. Never ever. Ever. Agreed?

Jim: Let me tell you something right now….I wouldn’t fuck Paris Hilton with your dick. Seriously. A lot of internet nerds say shit about famous women….”Oh, she isnt that hot”…..”Her legs are nasty”…..blah blah blah. But in secret they would cum if Jessica Biel walked by them on the street. But Paris? No, son. No. That chick has more diseases than the monkey in ‘Outbreak’. (Thanks, Kevin Smith).

Phatty: Let’s just hope that this procession of Hollywood whoredom continues and we can start pushing some of these older ho’s to the side. I don’t have a problem with seeing artsy pictures of Lohan’s breasts (although let’s keep your legs closed, hunnie), but who is the next generation? We already know Miley Cyrus is heading down that path. And we always have Lindsay’s sister. Britney’s sister completely bypassed even getting to this stage since she’s pregnant at 16 and we’ll hopefully never hear about that family again unless it is in the Kentwood Gazette. I wonder if they can live up to all the scandalousness of their older counterparts.

Jim: I’ve got to think that the next worthwhile Hollywood skanks are out there. Hayden Panettiere may be one. We haven’t seen much skankness out of her yet, but she’s 18 and dating a 30-year old. Plus, she was photographed hanging out with Paris and Nicole Ritchie when she was like 15. So she may be an undercover skank. Also, remember……about 3-5 years ago, no one would of thought Britney would be a skank. Now, she is the possible queen of the skanks. Maybe today’s cutesy, girl-next-door is 2013’s skank. Lindsay’s little sister? Dakota Fanning? Why not?

Phatty: I guess we can only wait and see. Meanwhile, let’s see some more hotties try and resurrect their careers with more nakedness and shameless whoring around. And do it before you turn out like Britney. Do you hear me, Miley?



Star Magazine cannot be trusted, I hope by idontknowmuch
February 15, 2008, 1:59 pm
Filed under: Jamie Lynn Spears

Jamie Lynn Spears is a liar

Just days before announcing her pregnancy in December, Jamie Lynn shocked a boy at a party by asking him for sex. “It’s cool, I’m pregnant,” she said. “I can’t get pregnant again!”

She better have said that AFTER she was pregnant. God damn it. Now I have to make some calls.

Never trust a Spears girl, America. They’ll completely fuck you. Literally.



Jesus. Christ. Almighty. by idontknowmuch

Last night’s Britney drama is just finally beginning to sink in. We all knew this was going to happen or, even worse, she’d end up dead, but its still unbelievable to watch on TV. This shit is on par with when Princess Diana died as far as media coverage. THE GIRL IS FUCKING OUT OF HER MIND AND HER FAMILY WAITED TOO DAMN LONG TO DO THIS. So let’s recap:

Britney Spears

– Britney apparently has a sleeping condition caused by Aderall and a meth addiction. She’s also been taking up to 10 laxatives a day and hasn’t slept since Saturday. Oh and she said her mom slept with K FEd, too. Sounds about right.

Jamie Spears

– Britney’s dad clearly looks like he’s about 75 years old. You have to feel bad for the guy. And congratulations on finally stepping in and trying to knock out her holder. 

– Have you ready anything on this Osama Lutfi character? His “psycho” resume is like four fucking pages long and I don’t care if 80% of its gossip or not. Someone stab him through the heart.

Lynne Spears

– What kind of mother let’s this shit go on? I know Britney’s old enough to make her own decisions, but she’s obviously not MENTALLY STABLE enough to do so. And you’re not mentally stable enough to slap the shit out of your daughter and get her help (Update: there are reports that Lynne wanted to take Brit to Malibu instead of UCLA. Great mom she is!)

Jamie Lynn Spears

– Jaime Lynn better be taking fucking notes.

Justin Timberlake

– Justin Timberlake has to undoubtedly feel pretty upset about all this, but I’m sure he forgets all about the bullet he dodged when he’s banging Ms. Biel every night.

– Thank you to SOMEONE in Britney’s camp for having the balls to finally get a psychiatrist to go as far as to clear the airspace above Britney’s house so that they could “get her to the hospital safely.” Wait, she wasn’t airlifted? That doesn’t make sense. I’m sure TMZ would have given her a lift for the right price.

Big Package

Oh and the lingo the cops were using (i.e. extracting the “package”) really fooled all those paparazzi. Unless they were coming to my house, the word “package” will probably never have a “bigger” meaning. If you get my drift.   :wink wink:

And my guess is that the guy from Grey’s Anatomy who also checked in because he’s “sleep deprived” was a decoy to keep the media off Britney, too. Problem is no one gives a fuck. Everyone is talking about him being there while his five kids are at home wondering “Where’s daddy? Is he going to pick up the package, too?”