An Average Guy’s Academy Awards by idontknowmuch

I watched the Oscars last night. Well, actually, I flipped back and forth between the Oscars and the Bulls-Rockets game. Lets just say that I watched a lot of the basketball game, especially when the performances for Best Song were going on. Also, when they gave the lifetime achievement award to that old guy, I turned it off with a quickness. So I probably watched about half the show. It seemed well done and relatively entertaining. Say what you will about the Academy Awards–the show is always ten times more interesting than the Grammys.

But one problem I have with the Oscars is that the Academy always nominates movies I haven’t seen and would never see. I really think the voters should start thinking about the movies I saw and enjoyed and base their voting on that. How can I enjoy the Oscars fully when movies like “Atonement” and “La Vie en Rose” are nominated multiple times? Art, schmart. Its all about me.

Anyway, here are the non-porn movies that came out in 2007 that I saw: “No Country for Old Men”, “The Bourne Ultimatum”, “Juno”, “Grindhouse”, “Transformers”, “Blades of Glory”, “Live Free or Die Hard”, “Zodiac”, “Knocked Up”, “The Simpsons Movie”, “Ocean’s 13”, “Shrek 3”, “300”, “Spider Man 3”, “Superbad”, “Mr. Brooks”, “Sicko”, “We Own the Night”, “I Am Legend”, “Rush Hour 3”, “The Kingdom”, “Disturbia”, and “Smoking Aces.”

I feel bad that I didn’t see “American Gangster”, “Michael Clayton”, or “Charlie Wilson’s War”, but as you can see by the list above, I try to see as much crap as possible. (If you’re wondering how I remembered all of this, I simply went to this link and ran down the top 100 movies–box office wise–of the year.)

I decided to nail down 3 nominations for the big 5 awards: Movie, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress. It was more difficult than I thought, because–as stated before–I see a lot of crap. I kept it to these five awards because doing the other awards would be an act of pretentiousness that is only reserved for Hollywood (“Oh yes, the sound editing in ‘Ratatouille’ was sublime!”…….shut up).

  • Best Movie: No Country For Old Men, The Bourne Ultimatum, Knocked Up. Juno just missed here, but I thought Knocked Up was funnier. Bite me, Hollywood. The winner, however, is The Bourne Ultimatum. If you don’t like the Bourne movies, especially this one, I want you to slap yourself in the face. And as much as I liked NCFOM, I felt like something was missing. I didn’t need a big ending, per se. But I just enjoyed Bourne more. So eat it.
  • Best Actor: Not a ton of great options here. I went with Matt Damon from Bourne, Jake Gyllenhaal in Zodiac, and Gerard Butler from 300. My winner is Butler, because while I didn’t love 300 like everyone else, I have to admit he was awesome.
  • Best Actress: Ellen Page in Juno, Rose McGowan in Grindhouse, and Marge Simpson in The Simpson Movie. Page gets the nod for obvious reasons; she really was good in the role. McGowan had a gun for a leg. Marge Simpson has been overlooked for years. But I had to give it to Page.
  • Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem in No Country, Josh Brolin in No Country, and JK Simmons in Juno. I think Brolin would be considered a supporting role, although I’m not sure. If he was considered a lead, give him Damon’s nod in Best Actor and substitute Robert Downey Jr. here for his role in Zodiac. But it doesn’t matter, because Bardem was awesome in that movie. This is the easiest award of the year for me. I also want to give some pub to Simmons, who was funny as hell as Juno’s dad.
  • Best Supporting Actress: Kelly MacDonald for NCFOM, Alison Janney for Juno, and Vanessa Ferlito in Grindhouse. I’m going to pick Janney here, because she was good in Juno and she seems cool. I would also like to point out that Ferlito got her Jim nomination for two reasons: one, she looked sexy as hell in that movie; and two, she got her face torn up by a tire in that car crash, and that was one of the coolest things I saw at the movies in 2007.

So there you go. The 2008 Jim awards.