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Ooooo…..This Is Awkward by idontknowmuch

David_Archuleta

OK Magazine is reporting that American Idol favorite David Archuleta has disappointing news for his many young female fans:

Millions of young hearts broke on Tuesday night when a mystery lady appeared in the American Idol audience with David Archuleta’s family. The finalist even hinted live on air that he hopes the shy brunette is going to be his prom date.

Well, just because he might want a certain girl to be his prom date doesn’t mean David’s fans should think that they have less of a chance with him, right? Lets look further into the article:

Just three weeks ago, David told the myFox Boston website that he’s still too young to have a girlfriend……..”I’m not really worried about getting a girlfriend,” he said. “I’m still too young for that”.

Well, thats perfectly normal. While most 17-year old guys think ONLY of sex, some are late bloomers who are focused on other things. Yes, I’m sure thats it. Well, lets be sure:

But it’s apparently not so for his younger siblings back in Utah. “My brothers and sisters, on the other hand, all have boyfriends and girlfriends,” David said. “I guess I’m weird!”

Ahhh. I see. Yes, that is what you are……..”weird.” You know, I’ve watched the show and noticed that David is, how you say, somewhat soft. Now that I hear he isn’t interested in a girlfriend at 17, even though he could be knee-deep in underage ass if he wanted…….yeah, folks, this dude is gay. He’s Clay Aiken part II.



Turns Out the Secret is Leeches by idontknowmuch

Demi_Moore 

While on ‘The Late Show with David Letterman’ Monday night, actress Demi Moore said that her recent trip to Australia resulted in a trip to a “cleanser”, which included having leeches were placed on various parts of her body.

“These are highly-trained medical leeches,” Moore said. ” “You feel [them] bite down on you, and you want to go, ‘You bastard!’ and then you relax and watch it swell up. They have a little enzyme that when they are biting down in you, it gets released in your blood and generally you bleed for quite a bit – and your health is optimized,”

She added, “It detoxifies your blood – I’m feeling very detoxified right now.”

So, the secret behind Demi Moore’s ageless beauty has been released. It wasn’t enough Botox to kill a small horse and some silicone. It was leeches. So, women….if you want to be hot at 45, go stick some slimy creatures on your face and body. Then, just sit back, relax, and wait for the 19-year boys come running.



That Chick With the Sick Body is Dating that Dude From That Movie by idontknowmuch

Leelee_Sobieski

WENN reports that ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ star Leelee Sobieski was seen all over actor Matt Davis at a party over the weekend, and that the two are dating.

Sobieski  – who has previously been linked to Josh Hartnett and Sean Lennon – was snapped enjoying an intimate clinch with Davis at a Hollywood Hills bash, prompting reports of their romantic involvement. An eyewitness tells the New York Post’s gossip column PageSix, “Matt had his hands all over her, touching her waist and rear end. It was very cute, and they definitely looked together.”

I don’t know if this is true or not; in fact, I have no idea who Matt Davis is. The article says he was in ‘Legally Blonde’, but I don’t want to look it up, so I’m guessing he played the boyfriend who broke up with Reese Witherspoon so he could marry Selma Blair. What do you mean, I know way too much about that movie? What are you inferring?

Anyway, it seems that Leelee is ridiculously stacked, so this post was really just a way to put up some hot pics of this chick and her sweet body. Enjoy.

LeeLee_Sobieski_bikiniLeelee_Sobieski_dress



Phillippe as Shocked as Me by idontknowmuch

Ryan_Phillippe 

Ryan Phillippe can’t believe that his ex-wife, Reese Witherspoon, is dating Jake Gyllenhaal, according to People.

“It’s bizarre……There’s plenty of times when I say, ‘What a strange situation I’ve found myself in,’ ” Phillippe said. “But at a certain point you know it’s going to happen, so you are prepared.” The actor added that he avoids looking at photos of Witherspoon and her new boyfriend.

Ryan went on to add, “Its also bizarre because, ya know, Jake is gay. Like, mad gay, son. And I’m not just saying that because he was in a gay cowboy movie. I mean, Heath wasn’t gay. But Jake Gyllenhaal……that dude is as gay as the day is long. Richard Simmons told me that he thinks Jake should butch up a bit. I don’t know if Reese could of picked a worse actor to try to make me jealous with. Seriously. He’s definitely not fucking her. And if he is, he’s hating every minute of it.”

Phillippe then added, “Well, I gotta go. I have an appointment to go fuck a hot actress like Abbie Cornish on top of a pile of money. See ya.”



I Remember That Dude by idontknowmuch

Sara_EvansSara_Evans

People Magazine is reporting that country singer Sara Evans is engaged to Jay Barker, a radio host in Birmingham, Alabama.

Evans sings songs, apparently. She was also on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ Besides working as a radio host, Barker was the quarterback for the University of Alabama football team:

Barker led Alabama to a national championship in 1992 and hosts a morning radio show in Birmingham. 

I’m a humungous sports geek, so lets get one thing straight: Jay Barker didn’t lead shit to a national championship……the Bama defense that year was one of the best in college football history, and they carried a stagnant offense all the way to a title. Just because I work for a Fortune 500 company as a janitor doesn’t mean I led them to a $200 billion fiscal year.

But I don’t besmirch him the opportunity to nail this nice MILF. Solid pull, Jay.



Yes…..Yes It Would Be Warm by idontknowmuch

Kate_Beckinsale

OK Magazine reports that actress Kate Beckinsale is not a fan of sushi:

“I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything,” she tells Moviefone. “At least a vagina would be warm.”

Kate Beckinsale continues to climb up my rankings of hot women, and quotes like this one where she just randomly suggests that she loves warm vagina aren’t going to hurt her. I encourage all attractive actresses to just throw random “warm vagina” quotes in their interviews:

Angelina Jolie: “I’m very concerned with the situation in Africa. Conditions are horrible, and the climate–which is warm like the vagina I enjoy partaking in from time to time–is not hospitable for crops.”

See, that works.



I’m Not Buying It by idontknowmuch

dick_in_a_box

The Sun UK is reporting that Justin Timberlake recently purchased an expensive necklace for his girlfriend, Jessica Biel, because she was upset he was spending time with Madonna:

JT has been at the Queen of Pop’s beck and call over the past year while collaborating on her forthcoming album ‘Hard Candy’. And movie beauty Jessica has been a little put out by their close working relationship……..So to make it up to Jessica he snapped up the sparkling white gold and emerald chain from top jeweller H Stern.

Listen, I know all women are somewhat insecure and many are prone to jealousy. But you cannot tell me that Jessica Biel, who looks like this…………
Jessica_Biel

……..is feeling jealous because her boyfriend, a guy who could probably fuck anyone he wants, is working with a woman that now looks like this……….
Madonna_1

Don’t get me wrong…..Madonna looks pretty good for a 52-year old lady who will be a grandmother in about a week. But unless he has a GILF fetish, I’m pretty sure Justin has better options than a woman who was at her apex while he was still in dipers.

(*–Dick in a Box picture included because I couldn’t bring myself to post a picture of Justin with his shirt off or something……its bad enough I like his music.)