IDontKnowMuch.com

People Magazine reports that Jessica Simpson has been hospitalized for a “kidney infection” but is currently doing fine:

As for what caused her to check into the hospital, “She had a fever and it seemed important to get it treated,” the source said.

I’m confused, and not just because for the last six months, I can only achieve climax while watching tranny porn. Why does someone goes to a fucking hospital with just a fever? Most people still go to work. Others might stay home and relax. Unless you’re an infant or small child, who goes to the hospital for a high temperature? Celebrities, apparently.

Second, what the fuck is a ‘kidney infection’? I’ve heard of a urinary tract infection. I’ve heard of kidney stones. I have never heard of a kidney infection. Thats like being nauseus and saying you have a ‘stomach infection’.

I think one of two things happened here. One, a high fever is generally a symptom of a herpes outbreak (don’t ask me how I know); therefore, Jessica Simpson has herpes and her publicist is covering it up. The second possibility is that Jessica actually went to the hospital and has a urinary tract infection, and this source is a moron who called it a kidney infection.

I like this possibility because while in college, a girl told me she had a urinary tract infection. I asked her what caused it, and she said the doctor told her a common cause was not having orgasms. That doctor was probably full of shit and a quack, but I like the idea of Jess getting this news while in a hospital, and then asking random hot nurses to go down on her in order to alleviate this medical problem. I really should write porn.

Enjoy the pics of Jess, which are the main reasons for this post.

UPDATE–According to the Mayo Clinic, a kidney infection is a type of urinary tract infection that requires prompt medical attention. Antibiotics are the typical treatment.

(Wow…..and who was it that said that a kidney infection was much more serious and that what Jess probably had was a urinary tract infection? Oh yeah, it was me. And who was derided by a commenter for that idea? Oh yeah, me. Go google that.)