South Louisiana Park by phattyjboy

Britney Spears on South Park

I love when the South Park guys comment on today’s important subjects. Britney Spears is probably the most important celebrity figure of the last year, and instead of exploiting her completely, they tugged at our heart strings with this episode.

Nevermind that they have Britney come to South Park to escape the paparazzi, only to blow her head off with a shotgun to try and rid herself of the torment of being a celebrity. Nevermind that she survives and they record an album and shoot a video with her headless body, only to make fun of her for being too dumb and fat. And nevermind that that she had to eventually die because without her sacrifice, there would have never been a good harvest.

Not only is South Park a sounding board for politically incorrect “truths” and sound opinions, but they are also prognosticators. The next sacrificial lamb (and quasi-reincarnation of Ms. Spears) is……Miley Cyrus. Told you, folks. I told you months ago. She’s just being Britney Miley.

Bonus material: Please please please go check out “Southside Park” if you haven’t seen it. Wow. Spot on.

Bonus Bonus material: Click HERE for a full version of last night’s episode.

Moment of Truth: Lissette Gonzalez by phattyjboy

Lissette Gonzalez

Normally I’d blog the whole thing, but I didn’t watch it live and don’t feel like it this week. They find some very interesting people to be on this show though. This week’s episode featured Puerto Rican hottie Lissette Gonzalez. She’s a hostess/model from NYC and has her boyfriend, Derek, her mother Alejandra, and her friend Daiana (or some bullshit spelling) on the show with her.

She’s definitely hot with her curly blonde hair and, as we lear after the first question, her fake tits. She seems to be very confident and in control. You can tell this by how many times the host, Mark Walberg, tells her how confident she is. They then begin the normal series of questions about her lying to her mother about being a virgin (give me a break), sending naked photos to a magazine, and so on.

The show got interesting when she went for $25,000 and was on Question 11: “Would you trust your boyfriend to be home alone with your best friend Daiana?” – She of course answers NO (her boyfriend looks like a real slick mofo. Nice hair, buddy) and wins the $25,000.

Question 12: “Do you think your boyfriend Derek has ever been unfaithful with you while away on a business trip?” – YES. Of course he cheated on your controlling ass.

Question 13 (asked by her ex-boyfriend): “Have you ever regretted breaking up with me?” – YES. Maybe you shouldn’t cheat on her, slick.

Question 14: “Have you ever considered getting pregnant just to get Derek to marry you?” – NO. Thats because she’s still a “virgin”. Suuuuuuuuure.

Question 15 (for $100,000): “Is your former boyfriend a better lover than Derek?” – NO. Thats why she didn’t go back to him.

Lissette decides to continue on for the $200,000 and get asked Question 16: “Have you ever had sexual relations with someone in an effort to further your career?” – She says NO, but you know this shit is YES, and she loses the money. What a dumb bitch. Honestly. You’ve been a model for years and are hostessing at a restaurant in NYC and have fake tits. You’re honestly going to say you’ve never slutted it up to further your career? Give me a break. I do not feel sorry for you. Only for myself because I’m still watching this show.

By the way, if anyone finds the naked pictures she sent to some magazine, let me know where. That will make me feel better about wasting the last hour of my life.

Top Chef: Season 4 – Chicago, Baby! by phattyjboy

Season 4

Thank god this show came back on TV. And its in Chicago so you know its going to be good. They started off this season with having everyone meet at Pizzeria Uno (not my favorite Chicago-style deep dish, but it’ll do) and sample some of their pizza. Then the first Quick Fire Challenge is to have them create their own versions of deep dish pizza.

My first reaction is that there is no way they can make the dough the right way, but then they have a pile of dough on a table so this is going to be easy. Ummmm not so. Some of the pizza’s that come out look absolutely atrocious. And the pizza made by Richard actually had peaches in it. Judge Rocco DiSpirito actually ended up liking it, but I was only appreciating anyone that had sausage on their pies. This is Chicago, baby. Not California or Georgia.

They moved on to an Elimination Challenge where the winners of the Quick Fire got to pick who they went up against head-to-head, but then the losers of the Quick Fire get to pick which dish to cook. The challenge was to pick a classic dish off of a chalkboard that the lovely Padma Lakshmi flipped over for us. Did you see that dress she was wearing? Damn, girl.

Anyways, I was just amazed by how many people were on this show and didn’t know how to cook these classic dishes. How the hell do you not know what Chicken Piccata is? I did really feel for the people who got stuck with the souffle though. And I just felt bad for the girl, Nimma, who couldn’t make shrimp scampi. She just looked like a lost deer. You have to have confidence on these shows, Nimma. And a faux hawk apparently.

The big conspiracy in the first episode happens to be that two of the contestants, Jennifer and Zoi, are actually lesbian lovers. I think that actually makes it harder for them because they have to compete against each other. And girls are so catty and bitchy. Are lesbians catty and bitchy? I’d assume the ones that don’t look like boys are. Hmmmm…..

Anywho, here are my early predictions for contestants who will make it into the Top 7:

– Richard
– Stephanie
– Antonia
– Andrew
– Dale
– Jennifer
– Mark

This season will definitely be just as exciting as Season 3. Lots of pottymouths though. I hope my mommy doesn’t hear the bleeps on the TV and turn it off. I gotta move out of the parent’s house. Just for Top Chef.

If you want to check out a Season 4 Preview or a recap of this week’s show, visit

Now I Know This Show is Bullshit by phattyjboy

Michael Greenland

Once again, I’m sort of live blogging on this week’s “Moment of Truth”. In reality, its more like DVR-blogging since I didn’t watch it live, but you don’t really want to know what I was doing when it was on TV. Really. Don’t ask.

The first couple weeks of this show started off with people who I assumed were just stupid enough to pour their hearts out on TV, as well as embarrass the shit out of themselves and their families for a decent amount of money. But as soon as they had “thy episode that was too controversial to air” about three or four weeks ago, I started to call bullshit. This week was just more of the same.

This week’s contestant was a 32 year old carpenter from St. Louis named Michael Greenland. He is a self-proclaimed family man, married to his wife, Aimee, for five years with two children. Aimee, his mother Hazel, and a sister-in-law and brother-in-law were his guests on the show.

The guy seems like he’s definitely playing a silly care-free character, making several slightly humorous jokes in the first several minutes. He also thinks you can swear on national television, too. The first question that catches my attention is this one:

Question 2: “Have you ever made a wax replica of your private parts?” – Yes, to which he replies that his wife was going to bring it, but it didn’t fit in her purse. The host, Mark Walberg, then asks his wife what something like that would be used for, to which Aimee replies “We don’t need to….just go on. Next question.”

Question 3: “Have you ever felt that your wife is excessively jealous of other women?” – Yes (Aimee answers that she onlyused to be, but isn’t anymore. Yeah. Right. Wait until the questions get better.)

Question 4: “Has your wife, Aimee, ever said anything that hurt you enough to make you cry?” – Yes. Pussy. Men don’t have feelings.

Now here’s where I start to call bullshit on this whole thing. Question 5: “Would you say your wife is the most attractive woman you ever dated?” and this guy actually replies no. There is no god damn way that someone would say that on national television about their wife. They could be horribly maimed in a car wreck and they’d make some bullshit up.

Question 6: “Since you have had children, have you lost any of your sexual attraction to your wife Aimee?” First of all, your kids will probably see this someday. Do you really want them to know any of this shit? Again I call bullshit. But then he answers “No” and it was true so he wins $10,000. I’m intrigued. Maybe I’m wrong?

Question 7: “Are you sexually attracted to any of your wife’s sisters?” – One of them is sitting right in front of him and he still answers “Yes.” And then it comes out that he’s dated the other sister Rachel that is sitting up there, as well as another one of Aimee’s sisters, so that means he most likely tagged three bitches in her family. So of the five women in Aimee’s family, he married her and previously dated two others. Now I like this guy.

Then the questions switch gears to his family. They bring up religion and how he grew up Mormon and lied about his beliefs blah blah blah. There’s drama with his father, Chuck, who is estranged, who’s new wife is a bitch, and so on. Then they bring his father out.

Question 11: “Despite the life you’ve led, do you think that I still love you?” – Yes I do. Since when have you ever seen a son and father reunite on a TV show on Fox? How can this NOT be made up? Whatever. He answered the question truthfully so he now has $25,000.

Question 12: “Have you ever thought that your past drug use may have caused permanent damage to your body?” – Yes.

Question 13: “Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about a friend’s wife?” And his brother-in-law/friend is sitting in the audience. We know Michael dated two of his sister-in-laws. Is this brother-in-law one of their husbands? Oh and he answered “Yes.”

Question 14: “Have you ever had sexual relations with any of your wife’s sisters?” – No. Fucking liar. That lie detector is a fucking liar.

Question 15: “Have you ever had sex with any of your friends’ wives?” – I fucking hate all these commercials and he answers “Yes.” If his wife wasn’t jealous before, she is now. Dumbass. You should have tagged one of the sisters. He now has $100,000 and he walks away.

Okay here’s my question. No one has made it to the $200,000 mark. One other person tried to go on after winning $100,000 and they failed. What the hell kind of questions are after $200,000, $350,000, and the final one for $500,000? Even if this shit is fake, I need to find out.

Actually, I’m glad that “Top Chef” is on Wednesdays so I don’t have to say “Oh last night? All I did was watch ‘Moment of Truth’. Yup. Thats my Wednesday nights. ::sigh::”

This is EXACTLY Why I Love This Show by idontknowmuch

Ellen Valinotti

The Moment of Truth on FOX is on at 9pm EST on Wednesday nights. And if you’re doing anything else besides watching this show every Wednesday, then I can never be friends with you.

Ellen Valinotti, a married mother of four and very attractive, gets asked questions like this:

“Does the thought of getting spanked by an attractive male excite you?”

“While having sex with your husband Darren, have you ever fantasized about a member of the New York Yankees?”

And if you were wondering, she said YES to both of these questions on national television. And she’s getting even hotter and hotter as I watch.

Then the show takes a different turn, which for some odd reason, is still very entertaining to me. Even though I am only watching through my fingers like you did when your female “friend” in high school was changing and she told you to cover your eyes. You know you looked.

“Do you think you are a better mother to your children than your mother was to you?” – YES

“Do you believe that your in-laws have been better parents to you than your own?” – YES

“Have you ever fantasized about having sex with one of your co-workers?” – YES

“Did you invite anyone to your wedding that you previously had sexual relations with?” – YES (Kinky, ain’t she?)

“Do you have any secrets that you believe could end your marriage?” – YES (Stupid whore.)

“Do you believe you will be married to Darren for the rest of your life?” – YES

They took the $100,000 for getting 15 questions right and they will need that money to pay for the divorce lawyers. There are a lot of whores out there, aren’t there? Jesus Christ. I know my future wife will fantasize about athletes and celebrities, but co-workers? I’d probably go postal on that office. Woman are just as bad as men and don’t you ever think otherwise.

Something new we found out this week was that they ask your friends and family a bunch of questions before they give you the lie detector test. I’d kill my friends if they revealed some of this shit about me. Guy code, dude. Guy. Code.

Click HERE to view a recap video of the show. Go HERE if you don’t know anything about the game.