Nick and Vanessa Still Together by idontknowmuch


Us Magazine reports that rumors of a break-up between Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are not true.

The National Enquirer reported that the couple sat in ‘stone silence’ during what appeared to be ‘an argument’ last month. More from the Us article:

“They are 100 percent together and fine and in love,” a source says. “Nick and Vanessa did go to dinner that night but there was no fight. When they got in the car, Vanessa looked annoyed in pictures because she was fixing her eyelash!”

As much as I think Nick Lachey is knee-deep in ass, epecially when hanging out with Matt Leinart, I find the Enquirer’s report of a break-up based on that dinner to be even more laughable than the usual Enquirer fair. Why? Because they say that the two ‘sat in stone silence during what seemed like an argument’. First of all, what kind of argument is that? Two people are mad at each other, and they show that by not talking? Maybe immediately after the argument a couple is silent…..but who is silent during an argument? That makes no sense at all. Second of all, these two have been together for a while; at this point, I’m sure they have nothing left to say to each other. All couples stop talking during dinner at some point. Its common. Honestly, what are these two gonna say to each other?

Nick: You know, I used to fuck Jessica Simpson?
Vanessa: Yeah, I know. That’s why I’ve heard of you. Its the only reason you’re famous, really. We’ve gone over this about 100 times.
Nick: Well, what the fuck have you done? Besides this spread in Maxim and interviewing fucking Vanessa Carlton, what have you contributed to society?
Vanessa: Fuck you!
Nick: Not tonight….I have a date with a threesome of USC cheerleaders. But I’ll call you from the road.

At least, thats how I imagine it in my head.

Brad Pitt Works American Idol by idontknowmuch


Us magazine reports that the scene at this week’s taping of ‘American Idol Gives Back’ was insane, especially when Brad Pitt stopped by to make an appearance.

When the actor, 44, hit the stage at Hollywood’s Kodak Theater, the crowd wouldn’t stop screaming, one attendee tells……Idol floor manager Debbie McVickers stopped the show because the actor’s mic wasn’t working. As she tried to attach his mic, she joked, “I just needed a reason to touch him!” Pitt — whose efforts to rebuild New Orleans were recognized on the show — then erupted out in laughter.

Well no shit. The people in that crowd went apeshit when fucking Sanjaya was “singing” last season; when an honest-to-goodness movie star and icon shows up on the same stage, I’m surprised half of the crowd members’ skulls didn’t explode. Its a miracle that the people in the audience didn’t all experience spontaneous combustion simultaneously.

These People Crazy by idontknowmuch


Bobby Brown’s new autobiography, subtitled The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth, dishes on his marriage with singer Whitney Houston and the destruction they caused in each other’s lives. People reports:

Bobby Brown is dishing on his rocky marriage to Whitney Houston in a new tell-all autobiography – but she’s not letting his accusations affect her…….Whitney’s rep responded in a statement to PEOPLE: “Miss Houston is sad that Bobby feels he need to say such things but she choses to take the high road and will not speak badly about the father of her child even if it’s to set the record straight.”

After reading through some of the already released excerpts, it obvious that this ‘autobiography’ is going to contain some fun little tidbits. Some interesting claims include:

–Brown claims he never used cocaine until he married Whitney in 1992. (When I initially read this, I literally laughed out loud).
–Before he met Houston, Brown says “I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana is my drug of choice.” (You and me both, Panama Red).
–Brown claims that at one point, he used drugs uncontrollably: “I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine.” (OK, so the star of New Edition and a man who’s had his own independent career never did anything but smoke some weed up until he met Whitney Houston? Then, after she corrupted him, he was shooting up and smoking crack basically simultaneously? Wow. Quite the bad influence Whitney is.)
–Brown says that he and Whitney “Got married for the wrong reasons….Whitney had a different agenda for getting married. I believe her agenda was to clean up her image.” (I was alive and relatively sane in 1992; I don’t remember Whitney Houston having any image issues before Bobby Brown, outside of some rumors that she might be a lesbian. So maybe thats what Bobby is alluding to.)

So, lets add it all up folks. Prior to his marriage to Whitney Houston in 1992, Bobby Brown–a member of one of the most successful boy bands of all-time and the owner of a successful solo career–was a church-attending singer who was looking for love and only dabbled in some weed. Meanwhile, Whitney Houston–one of the industry’s biggest talents and the possesser of a spotless image–was secretly looking for a man to marry so she could hide her lesbian life while also getting him addicted to cocaine, crack, and heroin.

I’m sure thats it. You never had a chance, Bobby.

PS–The guy who wrote the book along with Brown is ‘Derrick Handspike’. I loved his scene with Kendra Jade in “Up and Cummers 13: The Squirters.”

Reality TV More Dangerous Than Regular TV by idontknowmuch


Reports are that two of reality television’s biggest stars at the moment–‘American Idol’ finalist David Cook and ‘Dancing with the Stars’ cast member Derek Hough–were both taken to the hospital in the last few days.


Cook was taken to a nearby hospital for high blood pressure, but assured everyone last night that it wasn’t serious and that he would be fine. Hough apparently suffered a minor neck injury during rehearsals, but did not require an overnight hospital stay and should be fine for the rest of the season with partner, Shannon Elizabeth.

I’m not going to rag on Cook because he’s been my pick to win Idol since the finalists were dwindled down to 24; it would be good if the winner wasn’t a ballad-centric singer, for once. While Hough seems somewhat goofy and his almost too well-crafted good looks bug me a bit, he’s harmless and IDKM hopes he is OK, if only to ensure Shannon continues on the show. But it probably won’t happen because no matter how good a dancer the hot chick is, she always gets voted off early…..meanwhile, the annoying as hell Broadway star stays on even though she can’t dance to save her life. Wonder why.)

One thing I will say about Derek is that his sister, fellow DWTS cast member Julianne, is the epitome of cute. Believe me, I would love to be able to write and say dirty, dirty things about her, but she’s too cute. I’d feel weird about it, like I was fantasizing about a little sister. I just kind of want to put her in my pocket and carry her around.

Who am I kidding? I’d still absolutely wreck it. But I’d want to take her out for dinner after, instead of the normal thing I say to women after sex: ‘Heres your $200 dollars now leave me be so I can cry myself to sleep’.

You and Me Both, Christina by idontknowmuch


Christina Ricci, star of the upcoming ‘Speed Racer’, told her personal trainer during pre-filming workouts if she could get Jessica Biel’s butt.

“I asked my trainer, ‘Can you give me Jessica Biel’s butt?”, Ricci said……..but because of Ricci’s 5’0″ frame, her trainer told her no, to which Christina said “You always want what you can’t have!”

Amen to that, Ms. Ricci. I asked my personal trainer if I could have Jessica Biel’s butt, but I don’t think he heard me. Then I asked him if I could have Scarlett Johannsen’s tits, and he just ignored me. After that, I asked him for Stacy Keibler’s legs, and he gave me a weird look and walked away from me. In fact, he wasn’t even a personal trainer. He was just some guy working behind the counter at the local pharmacy where I pick up my “happy pills.”

Now I Better Re-Think Things by idontknowmuch


Us Magazine is reporting that The Hills ‘star’ Heidi Montag is going to vote for Republican presidential hopeful John McCain:

“I’m voting for John McCain. I’m a Republican and McCain has a lot of experience,” Heidi explains.

Ya know, I was 99.9 percent sure I was going to vote for Barack Obama if given the chance in November. But now that I hear that Heidi is backing McCain, I certainly have a lot to think about. Before I make my final decision, I better consult the only five people who’s opinion I value more than Heidi Montag:

–Adolf Hitler’s corpse
–The woman who wrongly accused the Duke lacrosse players of rape
–George Bush
–The guy at my office who comes in and fixes the copier once a month
–Ex-Chicago Bears tight end Cap Boso.

(Please don’t turn the comments section into a political flame war–yes, I know that Heidi’s vote counts just as much as mine and that John McCain is a hero, and I respect him. These are just jokes, people).

Jay-Z and Beyonce Wedding? by idontknowmuch


There are reports that Jay-Z and Beyonce have taken out a marriage license, one of the final steps a couple takes before walking down the aisle. People reports:

According to a source, the pair obtained a license Tuesday morning. The document is valid for 60 days. A rep for Beyoncé told PEOPLE, “No comment.” Jay-Z’s spokesperson could not be reached.

I really don’t have anything crabby to say about these two. Jay-Z is one of the best lyricists of all-time (even if some claim he steals some of his rhymes) and is arguably the most talented MC in the history of rap. Meanwhile, while I don’t consider myself a fan of Beyonce’s music and I think she was horrible in that Austin Powers movie, she is fine as hell. She appears to be relatively thick in the britches, which I love. You all can keep them skinny-ass bean pole women.