IDontKnowMuch.com

In an attempt to make my head explode, the Sun UK is reporting that Natalie Portman wants to grab Scarlett Johannson’s breasts. Apparently, Natalie was reading from my diary when she said “Seriously, I want to grab Scarlett’s boobs. She has beautiful ones.”

Wow, Natalie. You don’t say. You might be surprised to learn that this isn’t the first time Natalie has voiced my thoughts:

*–”George Bush is the anti-christ.”–November 22, 2004.
*–”I fucking hate Juan Uribe with the fire of a thousand suns.”–June, 2007.
*–”I think Carrie Morris likes me. I’m going to ask her to prom.”–May, 1995.
*–”I’m going to go in the other room, masturbate, and go to sleep.”–Almost every day since 1990.